Leaderboard

Mr. Pixel quit smoking at the same time as I did. He was a little more of a casual smoker, and so far, the effects of quitting haven't hit him hard, at least physically. His Hell Week was just a normal week. Once Week Two, aka Heck Week, rolled around, I was up and around, and ready to start rejoining the living again. I knew that it would be an adjustment to get back to my usual routines without a smoke at hand. I was prepared for that. I knew my brain would need to relearn a few things, and I was prepared to deal with some changes. But I never once thought that the way Mr. P and I related to each other would change as a result of stopping the cancer sticks as well. That was a bit of a shock at first. When we'd get home from work, the first thing we would do is head outside for a smoke and discuss the day. Then we'd go in and start making dinner. The rest of the evening was punctuated by smoke breaks. Looking back, it's almost like smoking was the scaffolding on which we hung the rest of our lives; we fit in what we had to do, and what we wanted to do, between smokes. When we took that underlying structure away, we were both at a loss. That led to some crankiness and some petty squabbling, which is usually not our style. There were times we would sit on the couch and uncomfortably stare at each other. Now what? And that's not us either. We've been together for over a decade and have never, ever been at a loss for conversation or activities. We're curious, and active and interested in so many things. We have a lot in common, and a lot of differences, so it's always an adventure. And it's good. There's always something going on around here. This was just weird. But slowly, we came to realize that, even though we've been together a long time, and we knew each other really well, we've never known a time where we were together as non-smokers. Every single thing we've ever done over the course of 13 years has been punctuated in some way by a smoke; dates, trips, dinners, walks, parties, funerals, weddings, work, even workouts. Smoking was as deeply woven into the fabric of our relationship as our feelings for one another. It was a frightening realization. Could we make this better? How? Now what, indeed. So we started by asking each other one question, "What do you need right now to feel 'normal', other than a smoke?" Answering that proved to be the key. It turned out that it wasn't really the smoke itself that we missed, but rather the routine of heading outside, walking around a bit, talking about our day or the news or whatever. That particular smoke was actually a signal for us to shake the day off and ease into the evening. It was a bridge from crazy day to relaxing night. And without that signal, we were kind of lost. So, we took a walk. And we talked. And we didn't smoke. And it worked. After a few days, that became our new normal and we no longer missed having that after work smoke. We still had that thing that we actually needed - the reason for the smoke - without the smoke itself. From that point on, anytime we felt 'off', we would go back to that question, "What do you need right now?". And it's working. I've come to realize that as we remove that scaffolding, we're revealing the beautiful structure underneath. We've been building it for over a decade, and it's solid. It can withstand much more than I thought it could, and, best of all, it's at the point where we can continue to build upon it, without all that messy, ugly scaffolding. After all, scaffolding is only ever meant to be temporary anyway. The building underneath? That's the real deal.

I was scared of Hell Week. I prepared myself as best I could. I took the week off. I stocked up on junk food, thinking I'd probably just eat my way through my first week. I expected to be gorging on cookies, chips, chocolate - anything and everything that was probably not great for me in abnormally large doses. As long as it kept me from smoking, I was ok with it, figuring I could always ramp up my workouts when I was ready. I was right about one thing. I ate. Though eating is probably a gross understatement of what I did. :lol: I ate constantly. But, what really took me by surprise was, I didn't eat cookies, or chips or chocolate. I had absolutely no desire to touch any of it. I wanted tangerines. And snow peas. And sugar snap peas. And tuna. And chicken soup. Not one or two here or there either. Oh no! I ate three bags of tangerines that week. Three! Two bags of snow peas, three of sugar snap peas, SIX CANS OF TUNA! And bowl after bowl of chicken soup. I thought I would explode. :wacko: But I couldn't stop!! I generally eat a pretty healthy diet, but it's a far more balanced and moderate approach. This was so weird. But I figured my body must have some kind of a need for this stuff, so I went with it. Much of what I ate had a high Vitamin C content or other antioxidants. I also take a cranberry supplement with vitamins c and e, and I kept up with that. At least I wasn't smoking, right? I developed an aversion to my beloved coffee and drank cup after cup of green tea. I drank so much water, I was sure I'd drown. Every time I had a craving, I would grab another handful of sugar snap peas. The crunch of these was somehow super satisfying. I watched a lot of Netflix. I read these forums and I ate. My strongest cravings were near the end of Day 2. I came so close to going to the store to buy a pack. But, honestly, I was feeling way too full and, as a result, lazy, to bother going! I held on and I ate. I figured if I could just make it though three days. Just three. If I couldn't manage past that, I would get a pack. On Day 4, I woke up and I didn't really want a smoke upon waking. Which was so strange to me. I think that was the moment that I really committed to my quit and realized that there could be life after smoking. Also, I really didn't want to go through the first three days again. I wanted to see what came next. From that point on, there were some strong cravings for a cigarette. But none as strong as in the first three days. And they weren't constant. They felt more like "I could really go for some cake" type of thoughts. And, as long as I kept myself distracted, they went away. By day 10, my food cravings went back to normal. I'm back to liking coffee, but I'm down to only one cup a day. Not my usual 5 or 6! I still drink green tea and a variety of different herbal teas, as well as a lot of water. I'm back to eating a normal, for me, diet that includes a wide variety of vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains. Also, chocolate. And cookies. And, while I still love tangerines and peas, I no longer eat double my body weight in them daily. :D Progress.

Sadly, that's not a euphemism for anything fun. -_- At the end of Day 3, and leading up into Day 6, I was itchy. Actually, literally, physically...itchy. It actually makes me itchy now, just thinking about it. :o My upper chest, neck, face, especially around the jaw, and head came down with a serious case of THE ITCHES. It came out of the blue, it was sudden, and it was really annoying. Like dealing with multiple mosquito bites. There were no bites, no bumps and not even a hint of a rash. The skin, unbroken, looked normal. I went through a mental checklist. Did I change my shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, lotion, anything? No. Did I eat a food I've never eaten before? No. It wasn't cat allergies - those make my eyes red and itchy and they make me sneeze, but they also make me really red and blotchy. And that wasn't happening. Also, my cat allergies only get that bad when I groom the little buggers. So it wasn't that. I do shower regularly. LOL So...what changed? The only thing that was different was that I quit smoking. And when the itching started, the nicotine was almost out of my system. Maybe my body was trying to expel some chemicals? I don't know. All I know is, I spent several days scratching. Ugh. Nothing helped. Not lotion, not Benadryl, not anything. But I got through it. And by the middle of Day 6, it stopped, just as suddenly as it had started. Haven't had an issue since. But now that experience serves as another great reason to NOPE. If I do, I will be right back to Hell Week, and THE ITCHES. No thanks. NOPE. That's not the kind of itch I want to scratch. Never again. :blink: