Leaderboard

I always thought I had an addictive personality. When I was little I was addicted to sucking my thumb whenever I could even at school. My addiction led to three years of braces and a lot of discomfort, but I stopped sucking my thumb and got really straight teeth at the end.I replaced that addiction with another one, bitting my nails. My mum took take of that addiction coating my nails with a really nasty tasting polish. I now have the luxury to spend hours painting them and feeling pretty. My high school sweetheart was a smoker. As I was head over heels in love with him I found the smell and taste of stale smoke marvelous. I started smoking too, to look cool, sexy, mature and sophisticated. We broke up, I haven't seen him in years but the smoking stuck with me. I recently started thinking of quitting, after a discussion with a friend about our first cigarettes, I realised I have been smoking for years. After some quick calculations I was amazed at the amount of the cigarettes I smoked and the money I spent even when I was unemployed. Money I could have spend doing other more exciting things. How stupid I have been. I began realising how awful I smell, my clothes, my hair, my room. I looked at old pictures, I always have a cigarette in my hand, smoking... how sophisticated I looked (not at all). I did some research about smoking and smoking cessation and the benefits and read other people's stories of how they made the positive decision to quit smoking. I felt envy. I wanted to be like them. Could I? Would I? I definitely should. So here I am, turning a new smokefree leaf....

I love to write, it is one of my passions and sometimes, it get's the mental neurons firing and course correcting. That's why there is power on these boards because as we help someone else up, or write down a ton of confusing feelings, or acknowledge that today is hard but yesterday was good, we start to straighten out our thought processes. Because some of you know but others don't, my life was somewhat complicated 14/15 months ago when I quit smoking. I had many pressures and few answers and the folk here helped me to quit but also to analyse what was working and what was not. I will be eternally greatful that in hindsight, there were no judgements....of quit techniques which were fairly sketchy or of personality types. This site and the people on it, accepted me for what I was and it meant I kept my quit, for them, when I didn't feel strong enough that moment. A lot is spoken of people who are slightly different and it feels like the world salutes that, apart from if your different is spiritual. Then the world gurns at you and stands back to make sure you are safe! Well I got none of that here and this sensation of being free...combined with safe brought me out of myself. I quit, of course, but I also grew. I will stop here to thank you for the inner strength I gained through calling you my friends. If you knew how safe I had played my past you would know who I have become is in no small part a revelation. This is not exclusive to me however. You guys and I will support everyone who comes through. Some support is gentle, some is really real, a couple are bordering on crazy but the heart of here is amazing. We all have the same end goal, grow and quit. I move forward in a new way of being and with new values. And I attribute no small part of that to my quit and having to grow into who I was supposed to be as I often feel we hide behind smoking. But also seeing people here every day, grow into who they were meant to be. It has given me strength to take this journey in tandem with others. I don't think we just quit smoking, I think we embrace a new way to be, or in actuality, who we were always supposed to be. I think there is strength in the quit from hour 1 to whatever number will be. So in case you wondered. My life is AMAZING and I attribute that to the support I got here as much as quitting smoking. This may make no sense to you but I felt like I should write somewhere that I am finally happy. I wake in the morning and smile. I go to sleep and smile. I sat saying to my Chris the other day, I feel as if I am free to be myself and I am honestly so happy I might burst. So for anyone who wondered how my story ended...it has just begun :) Ok I was always going to go deeper then the average bod would - but quitting can be a transformational life tool. Much love QT'ers. xx