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Markus Quote: And so you too will become exactly what you seek if you so choose it. You will lose yourself as you are, and become who you were meant to be, a free person. But, it comes at a price, and we have all had to pay it. You have to leave yourself behind to find yourself anew. Thank you for the mention of change. Sometimes I doubted it, with all the talk of the same person. For me, no, I am not the same. Possibly, it's the jet lag, or the OCD of machinery breaking, it's certainly making me feel jaded to life the no washing machine or dishwasher (how unfair for both to screw up together). The strange thing though, it makes me think how did I quit smoking...I chose a new way to be!! I read what folks were posting and thought, I want that, I can be that, and didn't light another cigarette that I was able to smoke!! I did light one but decided no, this was my quit day and put it out :) How mad is that!! I keep a lighter to light my candle but not a cigarette. That sh*t harms you and I don't want to die like I've seen around me! Lung cancer hurts, you grind your teeth and they disintergrate! Wow, that looks bad. COPD and heart failure, I live with these and it hurts my soul. I will fight!! I won't show my girls this!! I am pleased to have others who will fight with me so thank you. If you ever wonder is it worth it, this battle...then yes it is. I grew up watching people suffer and I draw the line here with you guys. I only wish we could influence more people. x

8 months seems utterly amazing to me!! This last month has taught me quite a bit about my quit. I went on the holiday of a lifetime. One of the main factors of me quitting was affording to go to Florida and Disneyworld with my two kids. I think with the holiday being paid for and actually being on holiday it set up some triggers. I was able to use all I had learnt with you guys here to nope through it, in honesty, once recognised it wasn't difficult. Sadly my Mum didn't do the same. Having already smoked a couple of times prior to the holiday, she purchased cigs at the airport (unknown to me at the time) and smoked here and there through the holiday. Once busted the usual aggressive behavior, both of her and of all smokers commenced. She spent the whole holiday creating stressful scenarios so she had an excuse to smoke I believe (I'm sure she thinks differently). Be eternally vigilant, there is no need to go backwards!!! Whilst that's sad, I said from the word go on this quit that my quit stood alone from everyone else around me. If anything it re-inforced my decision cause oh my goodness, the mood swings from the withdrawal were fairly epic to watch. I had forgotten what's it like when you get to that desperate to have a cig time but aren't able to. I also realized last month how many quit symptoms I had and had forgotten about. Isn't the human brain a wonderful tool! It almost feels like I never smoked at all to me. I was genuinely surprised to get triggers as most days, my only smoking thoughts are about celebrations here and the like. Last month I needed talking down from a couple of days romancing. This month on holiday for fleeting seconds I got some smokers envy but I mean seconds before my rational brain took back over and it was easy to nope from. And I met Bakons :) Was great to meet up and chat like we'd all been mates forever! So despite concerns I had that once my main reason was over(the hols) that my quit might feel harder, it doesn't. I love that I had so much saved that I came home to a healthy bank account and additional savings ready for christmas purchases :) I also had the money to pay for all my healing courses and now the insurance so I can be fully registered and start offering reiki healing for a fee. Work commences on now getting my tarot reading registered and actually, I still have some work to do for that so maybe a few months. But all is looking on target for a spiritual business to look forward to. Something that may sound odd to some, but was always a part of me and part of me yearned to do it without ever believing I really could. The quit and my self belief have spurred me on in many unforseen ways :) So today I am 8 months free of nicotine but feeling more positive and focused. More regulated and solid in my quit. Ready to go back to my new love of excersicing now I'm back home, maybe join a gym with my spare money? Gonna get christmas paid for and some new furniture first though. So lovely to breath nicely and not be permanantly poor and watching the pennies!!