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Not my style, not my way but I think I just done wallowed the last two weeks of my life away? Sad, unhappy, over thinking, questioning myself, my life, my parenting - but not my quit. I love that bit by the way, even when life feels like it utterly sucks balls for no apparent reason my quit is still in the "oh yeah, doin it" section. August was the most abhorent, scary emotional month I have seen in some time. I am utterly jaded but re grouping. I am brutalized I was too unwell to complete my healing module in the legitamate "insurance" world. FFS, I have been using my skills since before I knew what the skills were!! - and I can't practice in the real world due to insurance?! Why has my path gotta put so many road blocks in the way to make me always think I'm missing something I need to know. Meh, sucky stupid timings. So, phew. Ok, it's time to put my childish thoughts behind me. It's my birth month :) The time where I reset my year, my year by the way, i get the january the 1st thing but I think at your birthday, you should do a life review and set in motion your plans for your next year. SO .... By this time next year I want to have clients, who I can lay my (non smoking YEY) hands on and help. I need to start working on a "proper job" skill set and I still have no clue, but 7 days left. So if now, when my baby girl starts full time school (mortified). And my Mum is still utterly scared but possibly closet smoking again (div). And the world feels like it is testing me - if now - my quit is in safe hands.... then I'm going to assume that even though I have an occasional thought to smoke that I'm all good and not worry anymore. I love that I can pay it forward though, that's so fab! 11 days until 6 months quit!! Multiple quits inspired by mine!! New friends!! I don't know why I spent a month uneasy?? It's as great as it always was :) A blocked path is not a roadblock, it's an opportunity to know more. Stay focused. Quitting is a journey, not an event. Eternal vigilance. Addiction. All true, but look at the strength that surrounds this site, these people. This is a great time to be here and it feels amazing to pay it forward. I think I will be happy about it for a while. PS, I may have had a wine, thus promtping such happiness lol, but still, it's pretty cool being a small part of this place that saves people and heals them :) x

Good Good day today, feel refreshed, feel alive and feel happy, if anyone is interested you can see my facebook page and check out the post my darling OH posted of me today, singing unawares LOL!. I still can't believe I stirred the pot, I boiled up a big black cauldron, I added some insecurity, stress, a sprinkle of doubt, two tablespoons of sleepless nights, and a pinch of a notion, as I stirred the notion grew and grew, it bubbled, it got hotter, I could smell the potion and I wanted to taste it, baaaaad mistake, should of taken the pot off the boil at that point and walked away from it, but no not me the recipe enticed me a little more, so I threw in some more insecurity and some doubt, and just to be on the safe side a huge big spoonful of notion, and before I knew it I tasted my potion, bleurgggh was my initial reaction but then BOOM my taste buds were awakened, I knew I should have tipped the damn stuff away. So next time a notion comes into my head, damn well not taking the cauldron out its staying where it is and I am riding this train to a different kitchen........

You have lost a doubt that was holding you back, forward now!

im LOVING this site! i check in a few times a day and someone has always left an encouraging comment etc and it just spurs me on. so far im on day 4 and im doing cold turkey< so far it dont really feel like that! to be able to even just get this far feels amazing! i know its only 4 days, i know i have a long way to go, but im celebrating EVERY min that passes cos thats money i have saved, some of my life expectancy is improving and i dont smell like an ashtray everytime my daughter wants a hug! inside im having a party and i cant stop smiling! there is sooo much more to quitting than just money and physical health, its great for your mental health too!

You know Marti, when I go for a wallow (as we all do sometimes), I make mine a doozy... Lots of mud and blood and plenty of pig calling, SOOOOO WEEEEEE ! HOY HOY HOY ! All my worst case scenarios are thrown in the swill. Fears Doubts all the yuck in the muck. Rolling around in it, for days, weeks...I don't care...until in the midst of good wallow hollering, I start laughing. A little snicker at first and soon the hysteria of full on belly laughs and It feels so good all of a sudden, all clean again. Nice cool mud. Love ya baby, S

sazerac just get through this week the best way you can and change the association, paint like a demon this week face it head on just paint anything, nothing serious it gets easier the more you practise it sure it can be a bitch to start with but then it turns into a annoying fly freedom is yours for the taking

Wow Sam, you're flying!! :) Told ya this site was awesome, but how can you explain the support without feeling it. Enjoying reading your blog. Remember if you want more interaction post on the main boards, everyone loves hearing from others and are here on this board to support and also get support. Is your cough going? By the way, don't worry too much if your sleeping goes a bit wonky for a few days at some point, it levels out pretty quick. xx

Trust yourself, you beautiful Smoke Free Woman. First we will make the Roux and then we make the most delicious Gumbo to feed our Free Souls. All in the QTrain Caboose. Power to You, Girleen ! Love, S

Another day in the pocket, Sammie. I fought triggers today by remembering NOPE, and breathing clean and deep. NOPE-ly yours, S

Thanks guys!!! Day 4 today.... whoop!!

Bloody brilliant (bet you didn't think I could say that, did you?) Love it Marti!