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The junkie is always with us, and I gave him room to breathe, not knowing how fast and lethal his grip on me would become in a matter of seconds, what I take from my fall is to always guard my quit, to remember that however bad the crave is to begin smoking again is really bad, I do not want to be a smoker I want to live my life smoke free, I want to be free from the demon inside but I now understand that underneath the surface he will be lurking. I will get through hell and heck week and understand my addiction better, tomorrow brings a new day, one where I will hold my head high, instead of puffing away furiously, feeling sick and stinking of smoke, the addiction sucks and to carryon smoking would suck the life from me. I must commit to NOPE every day. I'm brushing myself down and telling myself onwards and upwards

Jackie you are stronger than you know one step at a time hun learn from the past but take it forward now when I last relapsed on my previous quit it took me years to get back up and I regret it every single day but am glad where I am today onwards and upwards hun is right xxxx

Oh the WORST thing was that little unhealthy sounding crackle when I laughed really hard when I was a smoker. I made sure to only laugh hard around close friends. Near the end there, I started to feel a twinge in my left lung, and who knows I may not be out of the words yet, but feel 100% since quitting. Just goes to show you, as I was not a terribly heavy smoker (closet smoker constantly in withdrawal) you still get all the bad side effects!