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So, I have found a new home that I feel very comfortable at. The Quittrain is such a kind and encouraging place. I look forward to making new friends, and am so glad to see recent friends from another place. It has been such a great struggle to get through these almost last three months without smoking a real cigarette. Most of the time I'm okay with no craves. But there are times that those craves become so great and strong, I want to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs because I hate feeling them. I've been through a lot of anxiety and struggles over these months, and I'm really proud of myself for not giving in and going back to nastiness. I hope I can offer help and encouragement to all those seeking that help here at this forum. I love people and communicating, and if I have a word of wisdom or advice that can possibly make a difference in someone's life, then I feel I've done good.

My quit still will always me happy. I put it on a pedestal with other amazing things I've done. I think I value it so highly because I understand my quit was an addict literally fighting for a life! I see all day every day the effects of smoking related illness and one can only be an emu for so long. I knew I needed help. I am pretty tough :) I have been through some situations which I am lucky enough grew me into a spiritual and warrior type of force. Do not misunderstand that, I am incredibly humble about the lucky ways I had an opportunity to learn. But through it all I have remained mysterious, hidden, outwardly composed...until I joined the quit train. Allowing myself to "be me" without fear was as great as the quit, the fact that people accepted that was a really big moment for me. There were a number of things that transpired and bought me to a healing place. I am the one who believes in fate and karma. In soul connections and reasons for living. I have spent pretty much all of my life looking after people in one way or another. In honesty it made me pretty jaded and lonely. This quit and my friends here have in no small way transformed my thinking. I am now a non practising addict, but I am very aware of that and eternally vigilant (someone else's words). For the first time in my entire life I trust a guy. When I could have failed I thought of him and when I've struggled I contact him and without fail he is always there. And to date the only person I haven't threatened to take down when calling me a dopey tart haha. A quit buddy is pretty important and never have I been so delighted for a fella to announce "your ass is mine"! Stu, if you ever remember to read the blogs, thank you. x I felt support and acceptance. I never even knew I needed that to quit and just be but I did!! Wow, from my heart and soul thank you so much. xx

I'm happy for you too!

Started back to exercising yesterday. It's been a while. I used to do Zumba 4 days a week, walk around the neighborhood, lift weights. When the gym I went to (was literally less than 5 minutes away) closed, I stopped exercising. That was almost 2 years ago now. Wow. So, back I go. Doing some aerobics from youtube videos at home. Hooked my computer up to the TV and away I went! Starting slow, but 30 minutes was enough. A little sore today from squats, but it's okay. No pain no gain right? I forgot just how energizing exercise can be. Before too long I know I will look at it again as something I really need as my body will crave it. For right now, I really have to force myself, but I'm determined.