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Posted 11 June 2013 - 06:45 PM Very similar to Hell week, just less intense. I've actually been off the patch since Saturday. While exercising, I took it off because it wouldn't stay on. I forgot about it until the next day and never put it back on. With the patch, there was really no irritability and I had trouble sleeping. Without the patch, I find myself snapping at innocent people and losing my patience quickly. I also have trouble staying awake past 9, which is odd for me - a night owl. Hopefully, the grouchiness and inability to stay awake go away with time. Now, I am waking up very early without the alarm, 4 a.m. or so full of energy! A month ago, if someone asked me if I would consider going bike riding at 5:30 a.m. I would have said never. It's almost euphoric how much energy I have. I'm really trying to take advantage of being smoke free by exercising daily and eating better. Just can't afford to gain weight - I am only 5'3", so 5 lbs. would seem like 10 to me. Ditched the ice coffee and diet Dr. Pepper for water with frozen fruit for flavor - and I never liked water. I am already starting to breathe better and it can only improve. Clearly, I still have a lot of moments (and hours) that just really suck, but am starting to see some positive benefits and feel great right now!

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel that your world is caving in? Today is one of those days for me. Overly dramatic? Probably. I tend to negate my feelings to pass them off as dumb, childish, not worth having. I internalize every. damned. thing. I guess that is why when something that is seemingly so small and unimportant happens I go off the deep end. I am so used to people disappointing me that I don't let people get too close. That limits the amount of hurt that can be inflicted. A few months ago I trusted freely, I let my guard down, and now I am licking the wounds. For someone who has the word Devil in her name I sure need to take some more lessons in being evil...