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Posted 08 June 2013 - 03:20 PM Whomever named hell week, had it right. In about 11 hours, I'll have clocked 6 days into my quit. I think what makes it so hard, is that it takes so long. Maybe this is just a huge long lesson in patience. Random whiffs of scents that blow me away, never this strong before. The smell of fresh cut grass and the rain is awesome, my garage on the other hand is so not awesome smelling. Mornings aren't too bad anymore, much more manageable. During the week, daytime is bearable as long as I stay busy. I still have intense cravings during those times, but not so much that I feel like I'm going nuts. The weekend is here and since it's really my first one smoke free I've no idea - unchartered territory, we shall see. Most of my difficulties lie at night, during the long stretch of downtime. The cravings are so intense. Most nights, I don't think I'll make it to sleep without a cigarette. I figured it would get easier each night, but no. Time seems to go by so slowly. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the battle one of these nights. I NEED to stop constantly thinking about cigarettes. I've got plenty of reasons to quit. I think my son at nearly 14, will soon be at the age I was when I started smoking. Oh, here's another craving. Then I think of my 87 year old grandmother, who quit smoking at 50 and was diagnosed with moderate COPD last year. Earlier this week, took the same grandmother who has begged me enough times to quit to her pulmonary doctor. The latest bout of pneumonia is almost out of her lungs. Tells me how much of an addict I really am. Oops, there's that annoying craving again. There's my mom who quit at 52 because the doctor couldn't remove the aortic aneurysm until she stopped. She made it look so easy and never gave it another thought. Damn these cravings...I can't stand the fact that I can't bike or swim for a long time without needing my inhaler. Apologies for the long ramble...Just thought I'd put it out there - maybe it'll make me accountable.

Posted 04 June 2013 - 04:49 PM I am amazed that I made it this far! Last night was rough, had a pretty hard time falling asleep without my bedtime cigarette. Then, when I did pass out, I was woken up by coughing and every time I laid back down there it was again. By the end of yesterday, I had enough of yesterday and just wanted to sleep. I must've fallen back asleep at some point, so I did sleep some. I woke up and my patch was gone, somehow it ended up in between 2 pillows. I'm feeling like I lost my best friend or something. I find myself wandering around my house, just restless, never sitting still. Not doing anything constructive, almost like I don't know what to do with myself. Tried to watch a movie last night, but just couldn't focus. Drinking lots of water with frozen fruit in it, chewing gum, cough drops and sugar-free popsicles. I keep thinking " oh, when I'm finished with such and such, I'll go have a cigarette". Must be my sub-conscious trying to trick me, because I have no cigarettes around. I've come close a few times in the past 24 or so hours to buying a pack, but so far have been able to hang on. The shaking has subsided which is awesome. I was afraid it would stick with me longer. Thanks for all the kind words of support yesterday, it really is helpful! Posted 05 June 2013 - 06:26 PM I think I'm starting to realize that instead of a friend, it's like a really bad relationship that I want to get over and forget about. Yeah, and people are much better than cigarettes! Today was sort of up and down. I was actually enjoying not smoking for short periods. When I'm out and about, I'm avoiding looking at people. I am so nervous I'm going to SEE someone smoking and then it will be all over. Obviously, that can't go on for long. I was at a local drugstore and when I got to the entrance all I could smell was cigarettes. I couldn't decide if I liked or hated the smell. I actually thought about it the entire time I was in the store and still couldn't figure it out. This quitting smoking is making me weird!

I love these blogs. Even though we "talk" every day I did not really know your quit story. :)

We love ya Jimmy! We'll be friends forever now. xoxo

What is this blog feature of which I just became aware? Meow: a place to put my thoughts? :P