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My champix is taken and my quit date set, I have literally tried all other options and this is my last one. However my partner and mother both smoke. My Mum is disabled and has copd so can't actually get outside to smoke. It's not an excuse because I will no longer let it be but I failed previously because there are always going to be cigs around the house, that's not changing for now so I must have a better plan....but if I quit, maybe they will too?? Either way I would appreciate any tips, or things that really helped you if you think it could help me. I want this sooo badly as does my 8 year old daughter, I've gone from 30-40 to around 10 per day since preparing myself but I know the road is tough. So what helped you?? I genuinely want this to be the end and am prepared to go through whatever it takes now. Thank you. x Posted 12 March 2014 - 11:05 AM Genuinely, planned it all, felt different and more determined but I could of said that a million time and on a million quits. Woke up, lit a cigarette for my "final farewell" (yes I know, it's dramatic but somehow I made smoking dramatic) went to inhale, couldn't do it and put it out and walked away! Today is my quit day, I don't want to smoke. Feel a bit shaky, nerves/nicotine/not eaten yet, been awake two hours now. Am sipping water and drinking tea and reading reading reading on this site. I get it today, you have to want to not smoke, more than you want to smoke. Hell I hope it lasts and I feel like this forever!! However I'm going to take it one dayat a time, so today I'm not going to smoke. Posted 13 March 2014 - 09:57 PM Almost through day 2!! Have used all my sad stories to try and help others not smoke, I know you guys will do this for me somehow, hopefully that day won't come... But if it does come to that, remind me of each and every one, and post a picture of a copd cough or oxygen tank. So I celebrated with the biggest baddest burger EVER! And garlic sauce, I smell worse than the smokers here right about now. The chimney fella has actually made it home tonight, the chimney mother is cuffing her 60 per day and I AM DOING IT, not chuffing away you understand haha, I'm not! Today has been tough. I am so restless. I keep thinking I'll have a cig and then do xyz...but I don't smoke anymore, very bizarre. It's 9pm now, last night I only made it till half past before I was shattered but i followed my body's instructions and protected my freshly born quit and now I'm nearly there again and sure I will make it for today at least. One day at a time, every day is new. I DESERVE this quit, I want it, I own it. In a nutshell I feel a bit nuts and very emotional and I hate the side effects of this champix - but it's happening, and I feel super proud. And nuts...really nuts, how soon for coming off the champix lol. Posted 14 March 2014 - 07:41 PM day 3 has confused the hell out of me. I have no idea where my behind is in relation to my elbow (jeez, no swearing makes my life pretty tricky!). So the confusion... I still don't know what is the champix, what is nicotine withdrawal, what is me?? Even my 8 year old Milly said to me today Mum, one minute you're hyper, the next minute you're grumpy, I can't keep up!! She's right, I am up and down like a lady of the nights underwear!! I'm not smoking though, I still don't want to. Tomorrow is my fella's birthday, he and 6 of his smoking buddy's are round my house. I asked to stay in rather than pub it...I think it'll be easier on home turf and if I need to take myself away I can, rather than in a pub cause then I'm stuck. Desperately trying to plan and came up with this with my sister saying that line to her, this is the easiest and the hardest thing I've done. I still can't believe I did it all before for nothing, but that's the past and this is now and my future. See the pep talk lol, today has been a constant pep talk for myself.... and I don't get it at all but it just is I guess, I know there's so much worse to come too and trying not to panic whilst staying realistic and prepared!! BUT... get this. Last night Chris (my fella, or SO as you guys say now I know what it means lol) said I am inspirational to him and he's interested in getting some champix to try himself!! AND OMG my Mum (65 year old, proper lifer smoker, COPD, can't walk or breath but it's not the cigs you see, it's this illness.....) was talking to me about how I;m feeling and doing. I thought it was odd, she's not very sensitive and more than a little self obsessed bless her lol...went to a docs appt and made an appt with the smoking clinic for the end of the month!!!! I could cry I'm so happy, this is perfect...my quit is mine so is protected from quitting and failing with someone else...but they may try and that's amazing!!! Posted 16 March 2014 - 07:42 PM I am very fed up of the mood swings I'm having, it's not good for me or my gang. I am still unsure what's me and what's champix so I've stopped taking it today. It's day 5. I do struggle at times, not gonna lie, yesterday was a claw through day. I knew it wasn't my best idea but ended up going to the pub with my fella and his friends, it was harder being social and I will be careful and protect my quit a bit better in future - but it was my mans birthday so I didn't say no. Got too much later on when we were all back at my house, drinking and it got too hard, so rather than smoke I ran away and went to bed, lol, but I woke up not having smoked and now it's day 5 so a win Also day 3 was very confusing but through it all I know I don't want to smoke. So as of now, all of this is me...I feel I really need to understand where I stand. Did anyone else change tactics, don't want to stuff myself up here but I feel cold turkey, me and willpower is where it's at...but I truly want this quit to stick...I keep questioning my choice. I was on half dose of champix anyway? Posted 18 March 2014 - 11:32 AM Meh today sucks, I am doing a whole body shake thing on and off, so tempting to cheat but it's only me I'm cheating...and I don't want too, so I'm not sure why I keep wanting to smoke, when I don't want to smoke?? Everything and everyone is getting on my nerves, I get the ride it out and this too shall pass but wow, I don't even know why I'm feeling this or what to do to fill the gaps left by smoking (time wise I mean). My skin is on fire and so itchy too, especially my face and neck. I feel gluggy where I'm sipping water so often lol. Anyway I made a ticker to track progress, perhaps it will re-focus me. You know what else makes me sad, I still can't smell the smoke on my clothes or in my house - I know they still smoke here but I thought I would at least smell it? Posted 19 March 2014 - 06:08 PM So I'm going to put a diary thread here, a lot of people seem to be doing it and I think it's a great idea. I'm going here, even though I started my journey on champix but stopped it cause the side effects were pretty bad for me. That said I'd take it again given the choice as it got my head in a focused place and all the side effects in the world feel worth it to me if it's the last time I have to deal with them. Yesterday was a bad day, that and day 3/4 were pretty bad as in I had to claw through relentless cravings for what felt like hours. Today in contrast I feel really good and positive. I like that I get breaks, I need to remember the breaks are ok on the bad days! Part of why I'm writing a diary thread now, today is not too hard, there are cravings, I smile at them today?! You can't have me or hurt me today, you had a turn yesterday and didn't get me then either, I considered it but some good people kept me talking until it passed, thank goodness, I would have been gutted to fail this far in! I ran today too, like about 20 foot lol, to check if I could....didn't cough at all, wow, that's pretty amazing. Previously if you saw me run, you should run too as for sure, something would be chasing me!!! Happy today and have a sense of humour back which I like. Keep trying to find awful stories (smoking ones lol) to read and make myself read the whole thing. I am pretty much breaking my own heart as at my core I'm a pretty sensitive soul! None of those stories beat the one I listen to here day in day out with my mum and her copd, bad flare up at the moment and waiting to see if we can manage it through inhalers and tablets or move onto the next stage. She gives me this update whilst smoking, she's mad at herself, the only help now is to stop - so she smokes more...denial. I must educate myself at all costs to make sure I never go back to denial, never make my girls suffer the panic and fear I have with every wracking cough I hear... can she get her breath, would a drink help, inhaler?, and that moment I hear the breath in and we're ok again... So day 8 - do not smoke today, that's all, simples . (Oh and try and get my man to work out how this photo thing works cause I'm inept at technology haha.) Posted 20 March 2014 - 12:07 PM I can't help but think this, I think this is how I'm quitting. I have triggers going left right and center. I got smokers here, kids who won't eat, won't sleep, an ex who's a donut, a partner who limited my snacks so I don't get fat, denial by my mum, people telling me I'm cranky as a non smoker...I mean I have TRIGGERS!! Through it all I'm copping the hump (frequently) but knowing I won't smoke for two reasons.... 1. I will have to do this whole bit again cause duh, I don't want to smoke anymore 2. I believe that one day I will not think about smoking and have a strong suspicion it will be about chilli flavour peanuts cause they're super yummy! Then I wonder if I'm kidding myself, in essence I'm just waiting till I don't feel like I'm being bulldozed by cigs, surely this is a rubbish plan?? Lol, not rubbish, but where's the empowerment, wheres the brass band trailing...and I wonder, am I missing a quit trick, cause if there is I want to know it so I can add it into my plan. Thank you. Posted 21 March 2014 - 07:09 PM I had a look at Bakon's diary, thanks for that Nancy, was really nice to see. So day 10, I now believe I'm doing it. The urges to smoke feel easy to dismiss, what seems to be the problem is what to do instead, so it got me thinking. By 13, I was smoking two a day, by 14 I was that kid with cigs at school hiding and smoking. It struck me, apart from one very protected year where I quit and then smoked again at the first sign of stress...I've never been an adult without smoking at a crutch?! That is literally unreal to think of!! I need to find a whole new coping mechanism, and pretty fast too as my life throws stress's through as a single mum and carer...I've always coped with everything by sitting down, smoke, think. I'm not sleeping well, it's taking about 3 hours to get to sleep (caffeine maybe, crazy thinking), everything goes round and round and I don't dare get up ...I used to have insomnia, I'd read and smoke. So I think it's good I worked it out, I can get to grips with putting new coping mechanisms in like deep breathing, walks, maybe some regular excersise. SO that's the bad stuff in a way. Apparently I'm forrest gump?? The other day I literally just felt like running, gave it a 20 foot blast to see if I could and I only could!! Bounding past other mystified parents on the school run having dropped my girls already, laughing my head of at the forrest gump thought and that I could do it! Brilliant, perked me right up... I forgot I used to actually like running. I did it for the county and a running club until 15, when I dropped out as I started to lose (smoking from 14). Food for thought and good ones. Physically I feel a bit shady. I'm still coughing a bit although nowhere near what it was. My skin, especially face and neck is on fire itchy at times and seriously this is not the teenage part I wanted to revisit with acne looking stuff, how's ya luck, would rather a perky bum again...huff! All a means to an end though I hope, I'll take it all if it means I am as free as I feel right now. By jove I think she's got it Fella was quit for a day, now decided he's a social smoker, wow, been there done that! It's all a journey, hopefully he'll gain strength. Mothers health going very downhill, literally terrified at the cough coming out of her the last two days. Keeping my brave face on, keeping some distance so she doesn't see the tears, she has enough to deal with. Harder than not smoking, much harder. But I'm not smoking and maybe just maybe it will inspire them one day...god I hope so, not even for me! So yeah, my life is still normal. It didn't stop and I didn't blow up yet, excellent news...well I might have Dunno what I was worried about since day 7, don't wanna smoke, don't smoke, do something else instead...not quite this easy peasy tho, wow, keep reading and learning and posting...maybe easy peasy later on Posted 23 March 2014 - 01:36 PM Did my usual 5 spray routine, it's almost a performance (1 each wrist and 3 around my neck). Nearly collapsed lol, bit potent!! Guess my sense of smell is better today and I'm now a 3 spritz only chick Posted 25 March 2014 - 07:51 PM So what that says really?? Last major crave at 7 days, struggled day 3/4 and day 7, made it through with this board so thank you all so much!! So now I'm at 2 weeks, fella gave up 6 days ago, my mum continues to smoke in the house like a trooper (and whinge and whine like one too lol) but I'm all cool. Any thought of smoking is quickly followed by a bemused why would I, it's more when triggers come up, not actual craves. I am super delighted to not be smoking and still be able to enjoy a lush glass or two of my home brew wine with no problems. I am not complacent, not me as I've stuffed up before...but I've not felt this sure and steady, and I peak earlier lol, failure prior day 3 always....so I'm worried it's in the post and coming later? I honestly don't know what to think, has anyone else had this, just so worried I'll relax and it'll come and slap me about the place?? Still suffering terribly with skin itching and stinging but welcome the cleanse from the inside out, makes me feel positive and happy to see actual signs of healing I am also still in a clandestine affair with nobbys chilli nuts ( named wrongly on so many levels lol) and contemplating excersise due to my stomach making a bid for freedom over my jeans?! Oopsy! Posted 25 March 2014 - 07:41 PM 2 weeks, wow, go me No really though, I'm totally doing this and I'm so so pleased!! I'm still bit*y lol, but only if you start it ... progress on last week haha. I can't believe some of the lunacy of week 1, I was shouting, shuffling, had many mantras and songs but it did the job. Last major cravings on day 7, this week has *touch wood* been fine actually. Craves were easily rejected with the simple thought of I don't want to or choose to smoke....it must be in the post I guess?? Chris my fella now on day 6, funny to have seen him get crabby justbecause he is super calm always - was able to take the shut ups and mood swings with ease as I'm so chuffed he's doing this too. Still filling my extra time with cleaning really, thank goodness my family are lazy buggers who make a mess I guess haha, lots to do to fill my time I am so so happy to be a non smoker I just can't believe how easy it is at the moment! Have zero desire to smoke! Posted 26 March 2014 - 09:38 PM day 15, really busy day. Went to the natural history museum withmy two sisters and all 6 of our kids and partners. Realized on the train home at 5pm I hadn't thought of smoking once all day!! Remember that nerve wracking looking for smoking areas and wondering if you could break free from the group to go smoke - I had none of that for the first time ever on a family day trip. Frikkin marvelous it was Advising newbies has a by product of securing my quit as it secures my thought process. That's strange but great, I like to help people, it's what I do anyway. Still finding what the "new me" does when the old me used to smoke (the triggers) but no craves again. Just going to relax and enjoy the quit while it's being so good to me as per the advice on this board. Wondering if my mum will find another reason to cancel her smoke cessation appointment next week like she did this week and last... but pleased my quit is no longer impacted by anyone but me. Posted 28 March 2014 - 07:29 PM Nothing, not a crave worth a jot for days and today, I'm crying, emotional and just totally woman on the edge. Big row early hours of the morning - brain reminds me we smoke now - me reminds brain we breath and go to bed sulking instead now, ok fine. My mum proudly tells me my fella cheated and had a cig last night - brain reminds me we could smoke now - me reminds brain we dont smoke because we chose not too, nope. Pick up daughter from nursery, she's not right, it looks like the illness that had her hospitilized over new year, I'm scared and responsible, totally over whelmed, what if it is - brain WE SMOKE WE SMOKE WE SMOKE, breathing is not frikking cutting it here!! I can't go out and walk, I can't keep crying as I'll scare the kids, I have to stay in and watch for symptoms and even if it is, it will be ok, it's not fatal just lengthy recovery so need to keep perspective but I'm losing the plot here. What can I do instead please? Posted 28 March 2014 - 07:10 PM Day 17 has many many triggers - big argument with the fella and mum last night after coming in late and basically feeling attacked verbally. Think he smoked which does actually dissapoint me as I was grown up enough to run to bed. Today found out my little girl Bella may have her low immunity illness again, got diagnosed over a few days over new year but it's been calm till now. Right now I could smoke, I would love to be naive enough to be dumb, but I'm not so .... NOPE but what a sh*tstorm of two days, balls to this! Posted 29 March 2014 - 11:43 AM Day 18, calmer but still have that anxious feeling running through me, missing the lovely calm of days 8 to 15. Could be lack of sleep with the children of course lol. Kinda feel on edge generally and emotionally, no desire to smoke but thoughts end up there anyway, odd. Will keep close to the board and out of the smoking firing line here at home today I think and try and take an early night. Lol it's not even 11am and I'm planning bedtime but itkinda already feels like it's gonna be one of those long tough days. Planning a take away and watching hunger game film for this evening, time for a treat I think. I like to watch films more now I don't smoke as pausing them used to annoy me. Posted 30 March 2014 - 08:54 PM Aww you make me smile, you and action and ladybug andbuffycat and so many others... Thank you, the whole go me thing is lovely to hear between the normal pep talks here at my house lol. Mothers day, wow, 5 mothers in my house, only one smokes. I feel empowered and together again today. Still emotional, my Mum is being pretty unkind, it's almost like she's angry at me all the time, I do wonder if it's because I stopped smoking. Ah whatever. Still not smoking! Need excersize and healthy eating tho, had photo's today and wow, lard ass! haha. rethink on the eating...after this pack of chilli peanuts, day 18 or 19?? Meh, had a wine, going well anyway Hey, I am a non smoker!!!! That sounds so awesome!! Posted 31 March 2014 - 04:00 PM Day 20 Thanks action, better day for her although she's angry and grumpy a lot, some comes my way as I'm the closest. Overall my thoughts are changing towards my mum though. I must admit as time goes on I'm becoming pretty angry that she is still smoking so much with COPD! almost like she must know it's making her so ill and it'll be up to me to nurse and look after her! I have brought her the Allen Carr book and her smoke cessation meeting is thursday this week so we shall see. Trying to just focus on me but it's hard. Chris my fella is cranky again after a relapse on thursday, hoping since it' after day 3 now again he may calm down. He's just on edge ya know and short. I guess you do the withdrawal from scratch every time you smoke even 1, or that's what it looks like on the outside looking in. He doesn't think so cause he's not like me apparently, because he just stopped when he wanted to stop...I guess the justification here is I couldn't just stop so used the chantix for 3 weeks? Anyway I laughed in my head a little and gently explained addiction, dunno what went in or not but whatever. Same as with Mum, my responsibility is to my quit, I can only show what can be done...not do it for him. I feel knackered, my kids are still both sick and I'm exhausted. Sitting around a lot today as I'm tired after days of this. Still feeling more emotional than I usually would, unsure of this is my new default setting? Time will tell. Peeved that my thoughts are so heavily on smoking, or rather not smoking as it's interupting the other things I want to concentrate on. I am finding it nigh on impossible to make the energy work connections that I do so have had to give up, I will try again at the weekend I think when I finally get a break. So that's my thoughts today, tired, emotional, not smoking...do not ever want to go through this quitting again, failure is not an option. Focus on the end goal! 20 days of being a non smoker though, that makes me smile. Posted 01 April 2014 - 07:23 PM I am up and down like a yoyo today. I am genuinely sorry too, I accidently misunderstood and upset someone on here today, and I'm now too worried to respond to any other threads in case I'm just "off kilter". Nothing really to say apart from wow, managing these emotions is really really hard. I feel like a mess the last few days and don't know how to shake it. One minute I'm fine, next minute I'm not. I'm sure it's wrong to say this but I miss having something that gave me space! I do not want or need to smoke but how I'm ever going to get a grip now I don't is beyond me! Posted 04 April 2014 - 01:32 PM Day 23, until day 21 was pretty emotional. Pleased I feel calmer now cause that was horrid. Basically cried my way through a week of my life?!! Chris gave up properly after his cheat so he's pretty cranky the last few days too lol, happy happy house! Still no desire to smoke which is re-assuring, well aware old me would have, new me respects her health and finances too much. Money saved has bought a deposit on a dishwasher...hoorah, I am no longer the dishwasher!!! Also £165 on passports for mum and my two daughters towards our florida holiday in October. Keeps me focused and happy to see where the money will be going