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I still remember my first cigarette. I was probably about 12 years old. Every summer I used to visit and stay with my Gran & Granddad in their beautiful cottage in the New Forrest. I used to love these weeks; we had horses, rabbits, chickens, ducks, sheep, cows, a donkey… it was so much fun for someone my age. I used to build treehouses and play out in the barns and fields, just doing what a 12 year old boy does best. It was all very innocent. Then I met up with a guy called Barry. He was so cool. I wanted to be just like Barry. From that point on we did everything together, we were thick as thieves; inseparable. I remember going into Lymington town with Barry and we met up with a couple of girls that he obviously knew. This in its self was pretty cool and exciting – I didn’t really hang around with girls all that much back home (and not through lack of trying lol) ;) I remember Barry telling me he was going to try and get some cigarettes from a newsagent. He came back with a smile on his face and a packet of 10 Lambert & Butler in his hand. We were kind of hidden down an alley next to some shops and he and the 2 girls all had a cigarette. I said I didn’t want one. Then another girl started walking towards us. One of the girls quickly gave me her cigarette and explained that this girl would tell on her if she saw her smoking. So I held onto the cigarette – didn’t really know how to hold it properly – wanted to copy Barry or the other girl, but they were holding them differently. Decided on copying Barry because maybe he was holding it the ‘man’s way’. This other girl stopped and talked to us for what seemed like forever. Eventually it was too tempting; I tried it. I coughed my guts up and it was disgusting. I remember asking them why they smoked them if they tasted so bad and they told me it was cool. The next day Barry bought another pack of 10 and we both finished the pack in about an hour. I was getting better; not coughing my guts up all the time, and it was getting easier with each smoke. We both started doing odd jobs from people around the village – they probably thought any money earned would be spent on sweets o toys. We spent it all on cigarettes. From this point onwards, I still looked forward to my trips to the New Forrest, but now I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my grandparents and all the cute animals and working on my treehouse. I was looking forward to seeing Barry and all the girls he knew. But mostly I was looking forward to smoking more than anything else. This was the start of my addiction, and as soon as I was old enough to afford to buy my own regularly, I was going to be a full time smoker. I am going to try to start posting some of my earlier posts as a kind of journal. Both to reinforce my quit, and (hopefully) to help others. (Thanks Rachael for pushing me to do this :P)

Amy I am not sure if I should give you an advice..but oh well there you go :-) I am very glad that you have an easy quit! It means your mind is made up and you don't want to smoke anymore. We count the days first, then weeks, then months! Quitting smoking is not easy, it deserves celebration. Something to remember...if there will be a great temptation!

Don't you dare ...you don't need any lessons in being evil...because it wouldn't be you! Your feelings are never dumb, childish or not worth having it, don't you ever think that! You are special my Dear! A guard doesn't shield you from getting hurt, it just seems so...but makes you feel lonely in the long run. (((DD))))