Oh Richard, I am so sorry for the sudden and difficult loss of your wife.   I so admire you writing this message to others as your heart is breaking.  This addiction does not just affect the person smoking, it also affects our loved ones.  You must have felt very powerless in helping your wife.  

I pray that you can now focus your memories on the happy times and rely on the love of your family.   Keep that wonderful quit going.  

I'm so sorry Richard, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story so that maybe it will be the wake up call someone else needs to quit smoking...xoxo

Oh dear Richard,

I am so sorry for the devastating loss of your beloved.  

This is so sad.

I, too, hope this serves as a catalyst to help people quit smoking.

The addiction not only hurts ourselves but,  all living creatures around us in so many ways.

Please be kind to yourself and let others show their kindness also.

Thank you for this brutal wake up call.

Love,

s 

Gutted to read of the passing of your wife Richard. My deepest sympathies to you for your loss. Thank you for having the courage to share this with others. I'm sure your motivation is to make even just 1 person think twice about quitting. Thank you for that. I know it can't be easy to do that.

Thank you all that have replied . I wish i could chat with all of you right now but i really have nothing left in me. I will rebound, it will take time. Again thank you  . for the kind words and thoughts sob for now .

My heart breaks for you, your wife, and your children, Richard.  Thank you for taking the time to come here to remind all of us of the difference between temporary discomfort and cravings, and real unfathomable loss.  Please take care of yourself and hold your children tight as that's all that matters right now.  We are here for you if and when you choose.

Richard, we understand your grief.  Know that we are here if you need us.  May the love of your family help sustain you in this sorrowful time.  

Richard,  just like Linda said, we'll be here if you need an ear....

My deepest sympathy Richard .... You are in our hearts and thoughts at this sad time ...

I'm lost my partner in May to this horrible illness....after a 15 year battle ....

We do understand your pain .... xx

Thinking of you Richard and hope you're doing ok......

Yes, I also have thought of you often since you told your story to us Richard. Hope you are doing OK. We are here should you need some support.

Hey all thanks for the kind words. Right now just doing. Not sure what. Donated her clothes to good will. Just getting rid of things. Cant stop thinking of her every day.Going to a doctor tommorow. You know about the brain fog. Still have it. Went to a neurologist 2 weeks ago.He gave me a complete physical. He is sending me to a cdc doctor in the area tommorow.He says the arm pain is the c-5 and t-7 joint which is what my chiropractor said.As for the brain fog and fatigue he thinks i have neurological lyme. Been saying that to the reg. doctors for months.They took test which really  does not check for it in the brain.I told them they said i do not have it but i thought i did.He said he really agrees with me.He said the testing that is done is not very good.Still not smoking through all of this.I will let you guys know how its going in a few days. Again thanks all for the kind thoughts. Dam it is still so hard to belive   sob

Dear Richard, so glad to hear from you and know that you have not caved to smoking.  I can not imagine the pain you are experiencing now and hope that your family is there to help sheer you up.  I do hope the doctor can find an answer to your fatigue and brain fog.  I am sure your emotions are playing a part in that.   

I know that words can not ease your pain right now but hope that you feel you can come here to talk or share your feelings.  We are not just here to help you beat the habit.

Thank you for checking in Richard, the whole first year is the hardest. Be it quitting or the death of a loved one Smoking can and for most of us did produce brain fog for some time when we first quit. I can't remember how long it was for me but it was a good couple of months. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon and be on the road to feeling better at least physically.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts...……...

You have a lot going on, Richard.

Please treat yourself with extra kindness.

Here is an entry on The Great Smoke Free Mental Fog

Thinking of you, Richard.  

Thanks all. Your words are encouraging. Do nott know if i told any of you but last year my first wife who i had 5 kids with died suddenly at age 60 on our sons birthday. It was hard because we were always friends. Even my present _sigh wife was friends with her. And this year my precious died at age 60 on our daughters birthday. Now my sorrow has turned into a bit of anger. Sorry to say that but i could have helped if she just wanted to try but alas as beautiful and kind and warm as she was she just didnt want to quit. When my time comes i will met her and kick her right in the ass  , than grab her and hug her over and over, Damn i miss her. Okay on the brighter side 130 days and not a puff.  Had mri's done on brain and back. The c-5    c-6   is herniated and the c-6 c-7  slightly. that is what is causing arm pain. Going to rehab and chiropractor for that. The brain test is inconclusive so far. Shows some type of movement but docs not sure if its lyme or just withdrawals and brain trying to adjust. Next step is an eeg on the brain on october 5 and a lumbar tap when the hospitol calls. Actually the brain fog has been slight the last couple days. Taking an extract from mushrooms . Its called lionsmane,  please  anyone with brain fog look it up. Seem like the real deal. Its for nervous system and memory problems. Well thats it for now stay smokless   lol

Congratulations on 130 days quit Richard I'm glad the brain fog is starting to get better. And I'm glad you've found an answer for your arm pain so that now you can get the care you need to fix it.

I have a lot of respect for you that you've lost two wives in two years and still managed to quit and stay quit. I'm also sad for your son who now shares his birthday with the death of his mom

Glad to hear there's at least some progress in your medical issues and that your brain fog is getting better. All that stuff takes time but at least when you have a clearer idea of what's going on you can make a plan to deal with things and move forward. The circumstances of the death of both your wives is just bizarre. Both passing at the same age and on children's birthdays - wow! Just know this Richard, there's never anything any of us can do to help if a smoker does not fully commit to quitting - it's frustrating I know but it's just the way this addiction works against us. Hold true to your own quit now no matter what Richard. You owe that to yourself and your kids. They have suffered great loss too and will need their Dad to lean on.

This insanely powerful addiction, often combined with the belief that none of the worst-case scenarios will really happen to us, kept many of us with our heads firmly planted in the sand despite overwhelming evidence that it's usually a losing game if you don't get out in time.  Be angry at the addiction but don't let it take away any more from you and your children, and don't allow it to interfere with any comforting memories of your beautiful wife.  Wishing you the very best results on your upcoming tests and hopefully all of the health issues will be sorted out and well under control soon.  Thank you for staying in touch and I hope you and your family can start to find some peace and comfort in the days ahead.

You quit smoking, Richard !  

You can do anything.

Please be kind to yourself.

Saz

Thank you all will try my hardest. This brain fog is insane. Was  feeling good for almost 2 whole days  lol. Than went out to go shopping and noticed my car had a tire that was low. Almost immediatly the brain fog and anxiety came back. Damn is this how it will be for awhile longer. Dont know did this happen to anyone else.

Yes Richard, it happened to me and a lot of others. It's a totally normal recovery symptom but it does go away. For some sooner than for others. Hang in there, you're doing great 

thanks jillar i will try. no i will do lol 

Love your cover pic Richard. You two (and the hand) look very happy there. Those are the memories to hold on to....

Oh and great taste in beer