Thank you for sharing this part of you oldy. I hope that putting it down in writing will help you find the happiness that each of us deserves...

We all go through hard times. Sometimes all it takes is a mistake and your whole life get turned upside down. The important thing is to keep a smile on your face and keep going. Hey im going through a hard time right now and i try to keep positive. Sure sometimes i feel depressed too but life must go on...

Some years ago, i was very depressed, cut my arm and what not. What i did besides medication was lots of walking, eating healthy and sleeping 8 hours a day. And trying to stay positive and active, thats important. So, do you have any hobby? Maybe you like reading, how about you start reading some cheerful books? Just an example. The more you think about depression the more depressed you feel. The mind has a way of controlling everything, placebo ect, so keep fighting your inner dialogue and you should come out on the other side ok. Theres no incurable depression. I know a mother who lost a son, she was devastated for months, maybe years, but now she leads a normal life. Time cures all wounds. Give your inner warrior a chance to shine!

Such a brave post.

I can well understand why you feel it most intensely around the anniversary of your mum's passing and I feel for you. No mask can lift the kind of depression you talk about. Please consider seeking additional help with the depression. There are many ways in which this can be helped.

You should be proud of yourself for the care and love you provided to your mum. Regardless of her illness, I'm certain she would have appreciated that warmth and affection and she would have known how much she was loved as she faced her final days. What a brave person you are. Don't be too brave though, nobody should face this alone. Mental health is important and for a multitude of reasons 1 in 4 of us these days suffer with mental illness in some way. When you are ready find the support you deserve. Happy to talk to you here or in messanger if that would help.

Be kind to yourself!

You need to speak to a professional. 

You can only bury your feelings for so long. Eventually there's nowhere for them to hide and there's one hell of an explosion. 

Don't put on a brave face - get some help xx