Day 3 was difficult as I have been extremely emotional. I am not sure if I can explain my feelings in words but will try. 

I was watching my Day 3 videos by Joel Spitzer and there was one that I had watched before. When I watched it the first time I felt sad but continued to smoke. When I watched it earlier it brought out feelings in me that I didn't even realise were there. 

 

After watching it today I sobbed for hours for my own mum. I watched my mum die due to smoking and then I smoked my way through her death, her funeral and then during a very long period of grief. 

Today I feel as though I am going through a second cycle of grief. My beautiful mum was taken from us because she was addicted to smoking. This thought has tortured me most of the day and my heart is breaking for her. 

I'm seeing this addiction for what it really is and I'm angry. I'm keeping that anger for another day though as today I need to cry only for my mum. 

 

I'm now in Day 4.