I am not normally a drama queen, but it's just really HARD for some reason to quit and I feel like I'm being a big baby about it. The other times I tried to quit, it didn't seem to last for hours. Maybe I just gave in soon after the obsessive thoughts started? Or possibly I'm just having a manic episode. This is a possibility due to being schizoaffective. Either way, I need to deal with it. I am running out of energy from pacing around too much. I even went to sit in the smoking chair in the garage, to see how I would feel. It didn't do anything, except the air STANK like old cigarette butts.

I do feel somewhat better than I did a half hour ago. Still thinking about it, but it is not overwhelming. I've been smoking since I was twelve. Most of my life. I really want to quit. I will quit this time.