As joyful and as awesome as Saturday was for me, Sunday was that much of blah. It’s a roller coaster ride. 

I found myself missing smoking at several times throughout the day yesterday. I guess that’s romanticizing smoking...thinking of the enjoyment of it, etc. I had to remind myself to just live in and be present in this moment; to decide not to smoke right now. 

I have some PTSD-like things that come up every now and again and while i manage them much better than I used to I still get a little lost in those thoughts sometimes. That had a hold of me yesterday too and was probably why I thought more about smoking. When im emotionally or physically weak that’s when the smoke thoughts come on strong. A reminder to take care of me. 

 Anyway I think that to recognize the feeling or emotion that makes me think about smoking is good but only if I can kind of examine it from a “distance.” That’s tricky but it goes to controlling how I respond to an emotion - or trigger. I also have to be willing to let that emotion or trigger go. Each time I do It (acknowledge, accept, let go) i get stronger and it gets easier. It becomes my new habit. A healthier, more positive, and socially acceptable habit. 

I think that a main reason to quit smoking and stay quit is because I can and it’s an accomplishment and success that feels good... like look at me: i won this mental battle today! It’s like it’s own reward.  I am proud to have 1 week of practice under my belt. 

I can keep doing this. I got on this roller coaster by choice and I don’t have to be afraid. 

Today im going to start a 21-day core fitness challenge. I hope that writing it here where others can see will help hold me to it. ?