This is my day 3. When I woke up today I felt it would be different -- more challenging -- uphill road, maybe covered in ice. I'm pretty sure "nicodemon" was whispering in my ear. I don't want to feed my anxieties and fears and make more of them than I need to. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I read one of the posts yesterday about how we should make it hard to smoke instead of make it hard to quit. That makes a lot of sense to me...very practical, sensible, logical. I also read a bit about the danger of romancing the cigarette...so don't make it any more than what it is: a habit I am giving up to save my life from some hellish diseases that result from smoking. That reminds me. On Day 1, I saw this commercial that I guess Phillip Morris, RJ Reynolds and tobacco companies must air. It came on twice during the show i was watching and basically was just narrated words and said something like, we put nicotine in cigarettes to make you addicted and keep you buying and the plain truth is that cigarettes kill people...it was longer and more detailed than that but I've not seen it before, saw it twice on Monday night, and not seen it since. I figured it was a sign of encouragement meant just for me. :-)

Day 2 wasn't too bad. A lot of the same triggers and some new but obvious ones to catch me by surprise...leaving the house and wanting to go get my smokes before i went out the door, getting in the car, which smells a lot like smoke. Add that to the list - clean the car out this weekend. Those damn sliding glass doors that catch me almost every time I walk past. I smoked on the deck; it has been my sanctuary. I actually took a snack (nuts and dried berries) went outside, sat in my chair, and ate my snack. My husband came out and said you shouldn't be out here! I said I love it out here and I need to attempt to redefine my space. Special thanks to Beazel's blog post for that idea.

Benefits - I was trying to decide whether to wash a sweater I wore yesterday - yes i sniffed it - and it smelled fresh like shower gel. That made me kind of happy. Also, I didn't have to run back in the house to get my smokes. 

I've told my children, my sister, and my Facebook friends that I haven't had a cigarette since Sunday night at 11pm. I'm accountable and my honor is at stake now. 

This time tomorrow? The nicotine will be gone from my system. That's something to look forward to.  

So today? Today I feel weakened, drained. But I'm going to work on NOT romancing the cigarette. I'm going to try and acknowledge my anxiety as a normal part of this process of giving up a destructive habit. I'm going to try to not dwell on the anxiety, the urge to smoke. I'll pace, take a break, meditate, take a nap, jump up and down, sing really bad and really loud, deep breathe, or do anything when the urges and smoking thoughts start to get to me. The urge to smoke will pass whether I smoke or not and I'll choose not to smoke right now.

I'm going to follow the signs and put on metaphorical ice cleats or whatever you wear to walk on ice--quit train, why quit, etc.--and slug my way up the hill today.