I wasn't really prepared to quit. I've been putting it off for a year and half. My doctor gave me chantix and she picked a quit date for me. It passed on February 1, 2018.

So April 9 is the day I quit smoking.  Two months later than I promised my Doctor. But better late than never.

I've been smoking since I was 13, off and on until about 21 when I took up smoking in earnest. I averaged about 10-13 cigarettes a day until, at 51, I experienced some personal trauma and I began to bump it up to a 20-25 smokes a day. That was a year and a half ago. I quit once about 15 years ago and it lasted 3 years. I used nicorette gum for a couple weeks and then went cold turkey and used a support group online - I think it was freedom from smoking. One of the members from that built his own site and this one kind of reminds me of it, which is why I joined. I remember WhyQuit.com too. 

Anyway, I wasn't really mentally prepared to quit today. But I'm out of cigarettes - smoked my last one last night at 11pm. So what the hell? I'm not being flip. I could come up with a million reasons why next Tuesday or Saturday or two weeks from now would be a much better day for me to quit. Because then I can plan, prepare, etc. Well, truth is I've intended to quit for more than a year and never really got around to planning and preparing so today, without any cigarettes, is a good day to quit.

I remind myself that I'm choosing to quit smoking. I'm choosing not to smoke right now, this minute. And in the next minute that I need to I'll remind myself again that it's a choice and the right choice, the best choice, possibly the most important choice of my life...I'm at that fork in the road: to smoke? or not to smoke? I've previewed and envisioned what's down the "to smoke" road and it's not pretty. It doesn't have to be me. So on Day 1, Step 1 is to choose to take the "to not smoke" road. So far so good.

Many things come back to me from that last time I quit. I remember the first 72 hours or so were kind of foggy and hellish as the nicotine left my system. I remember "the urge to smoke will pass whether I smoke or not." I remember - delay, distract, and I forgot the other two "Ds" - there were four altogether. I remember some of the Joel Spitzer things too and it's good to know here is a place where I can find those resources as well as support from others. I remember the feeling of needing to drink or eat something --- feed that empty hole that quitting nicotine causes. Last time I quit I drank so much coffee at first that I ended up with chest pains and went to the doctor who told me to stop drinking so much coffee. :-) So today I had some herbal tea when I felt like that fourth cup of coffee might be useful to me. The chantix seems to help but it's early and I know i must be vigilant.

Around lunch time I had a major urge or craving or whatever you call it as I walked past the sliding glass doors to where I spend most of my smoking time. It took me by surprise with its strength...it almost felt like a physical pull, but I delayed and distracted myself with deep breathing - that was one of the Ds! I also ate lunch - I remember hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT) as times I might be more vulnerable. 

What are my reasons for quitting? (I remember this was something you were supposed to do as part of the quit smoking program.) I want to quit for my health. I don't like the congested sound I have sometimes when I laugh. I can see tiny fine lines forming around my lips from where I pucker to smoke and I'm not quite ready for that. I feel really bad that my son picked up part-time smoking (he's 22) and maybe I can be a positive example for him to quit also and not follow in my footsteps. I don't like to be smelly - or get that judgy look people give you on an elevator when you've just come in from smoking.  I don't want my friends and relatives to say, "you really should quit" ever again because it's annoying. I could save a good deal of money ($65/week at least). I don't have to go outside and freeze my ass off to smoke -- especially since winter seems to be hanging on for so long in these parts. I want to succeed and feel good about succeeding. 

Lots of challenges, I know.

My husband smokes. He says he's going to quit too.

Fighting cravings, urges, anxieties, crutches, etc.

And what is that fourth D?