Three years ago, I quit smoking on a whim which quickly grew into a personal challenge to myself.

A trip out West, where cigarette smoking made you an instant pariah,

an aeroplane coughing fit and a horrible cold precipitated this life changing decision.

I quit Cold Turkey not wanting to mess about with quacks or, spend dosh on NRT's.

My ignorance about nicotine addiction was absolute, in fact,

I likely didn't 'believe' in addiction or some such denial tactic.

Although, while in California, I joked, 'I'm going outside to shoot up' when taking smoke breaks

and the ever handy/ever ready e-cig led me to vaguely acknowledge a problem with nicotine.

Possibly, the intermittent change of delivery systems pushed me to think a little.

It certainly jacked up my nicotine levels.

But, denial was my running partner and cigarettes were crucial to my personal identity

or, so I thought.

I smoked. Everywhere. All the time. For upwards of 45 years...a staggering amount of time.

24 hours into my 'whim', my search for information began online.

I had no idea what to expect and soon learned horrifying truths.

Watching terrifying movies about big tobacco stirred up my anger.

I saw heartbreaking films about tobacco's slow and lurid torment

and was encouraged by writings and videos from Alan Carr and Joel Spitzer.

Reading personal testimonial threads of success or challenge strengthened my resolve

and I studied addiction till my eyes bled.

Denial no longer comforted me as the truth seeped in. I was a nicotine addict.

Daily, I would count my cigarette money, mark time in a minutely obsessive way

and write short updates of my mood on a calendar.

Insane, Terrible, Crazy Bad, Awfully Horrible, Crap, Miserable persisted the first week.

I slept as much as possible.

Often, a swirl of mental anguish enveloped me but, it passed.

I ate Satsumas.

Facing the truth of my Addiction, the quit gathered momentum.

I remembered how to breathe !

Oxygen was now my drug of choice. It was startlingly refreshing. It sharpened my mind.

It calmed me down.

During craves or taking breaks I breathed handfuls of conscious breaths.

Admittedly, there were gruesome moments.

'FREE YOUR HEAD', I would growl, spitting Fire and sucking air through a cinnamon stick.

There were primal screaming showers, squeezing the last drops of hot water from the tap.

It was a fight for Freedom and I wasn't turning back.

Then, miraculously it seemed, days on the calendar were left blank.

I was just getting on with my new life.

Embrace The Suck, I learned from our friend, Sarge.

Day 10, 'Slightly Not Terrible'

Day 14, 'Rough but Bearable, Satsumas ! '

Day 20, 'Better'

There were some dips.

Day 25, 'Ugly not Terrible'

Then there was just the count of days and accumulated dosh.

Day 40, 'Strong urges, got busy moving furniture around'

Day 50, 'Hard'

Day 70, 'Better and Better' was the last entry.

In retrospect,

70 days was an incredibly short time to Free My Head

from an addiction that lasted 40 some odd YEARS.

That is incredible value for time/discomfort vs. a whole new life of Freedom.

I also had about $600 cash for my 'trouble'. My habitual cough disappeared.

As the months crept by, craves disappeared or became trivial aggravations,

triggers became unimportant.

No, that is wrong.

Triggers and craves were very important

because they reminded me that I was hungry or thirsty, emotional or, tired or...something.

This wasn't about nicotine anymore.

This was my body trying to contact me,

an important communication that had always been pacified by sticking a cigarette in my mouth.

H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonesome, Tired)

became a guide to listening to what my body/spirit required.

This concept was life changing.

More quantum changes followed

~A growing inner confidence based on Truth instead of bravado.

~Denial has languished as a coping strategy and is transforming into a signal to investigate.

~Freedom from addiction became a reality to be nurtured and protected.

~Taking breaks with a few conscious breaths to center myself has become a habit

and helps maintain focus on the task at hand.

~My Compassion grows with this experience. I am a kinder human (well, mostly).

After 10 (?) months continuing to lurk and learn,

I decided to join The Quit Train and thank these fine people.

From my very first post, I felt welcomed and encouraged in my quit.

Today, on my Three Year Anniversary, I send a welcome to lurkers out there.

Thinking about quitting smoking ? Made the decision to quit ?

Starting your journey free from nicotine ?

Lurk to your hearts content and learn all you can about your addiction.

It is a colossal step to admit you have an addiction

and are ready to stop believing your own lies, the lies of an addict.

Take it !

This is a fortuitous opportunity to get right with yourself and a chance to save your own life.

Perhaps, you will be enticed to sign up and join this ragtag assortment of Nicotine Free people.

People who understand the struggle with nefarious nicotine and

are interested in helping others succeed in conquering this addiction.

Becoming a member will help keep you accountable and also be of service to others,

simply by your shared experience.

To Everyone here on QTrain, successful quitters with years under their belts

and sparkling, shiny, brand new quitters,

all of you continue to help solidify my freedom from the slavery of nicotine.

There are not many gifts greater than this and I am ever grateful.

Thank you so much.

S