Jump to content
  • entries
    73
  • comments
    88
  • views
    66518

Confession Time: Telling All by Sherri L.


TELLING ALL . ( caps are emphasis only)

 

OUT OF SIGHT , OUT OF MIND ? I Hid cigarettes in my coat pocket and convinced myself I didn't know how they got there. That was CRAFTY , SLY , UNDERHANDED , INTENTIONAL and I AM GUILTY . It never did help me quit .

 

The DELIBERATE ACTION : I Kept lighters ... threw away the smokes, and the ashtrays, but convinced myself that the lighter was still a necessity to have in the home. They arebut my thinking was much different . It was a DELIBERATE course of action should I not be able to handle the stress of quitting : Should I find a butt to smoke ..I had the lighter . That never helped me quit . That was : STINKING THINKING , and caused EMOTIONAL TORTURE having that lighter tempt me over and over . I often searched for butts ewwww gross ! Cigs were always just a thought away. That was not taking my quit seriously ; that was setting myself up for failure .

 

THE SECRECY APPROACH : I tried being a closet smoker : That was a lot of work ! Showering : perfume : hand cream . Repeat , then repeat again . I thought I could smoke and get away with it hiding my addiction . No one would know and I could still pretend with all those I loved that I was quit, and at the same time I could still support and feed my craves . That was SNEAKY AND kinda frightening and it only brought on MORE frequent CRAVINGS because I kept feeding them . I felt GUILTY , and ASHAMED . The secrecy approach sure didn’t help me quit !

 

Was SMOKING really making me HAPPY? . Smoking CONTROLLED my LIFE !

 

BOLDNESS: Oh I have to share this one lol was I bold or what and rather silly now I think about it . I Went to a park took my cigarettes , hidden of course with my lighter , and sat at a picnic bench . ANXIOUSLY I kept a LOOK OUT, AFRAID of BEING SPOTTED while taking A FEW puffs ( UNDERCOVER of a COAT ) . Oh my gosh what if I got caught !!!!! Grown woman caught Smoking !! I could see the headlines ! She LIED . She wasn't quit !! That was: OUT OF CONTROL , DESPERATION and that caused more of the same . ANXIETY , FEAR , SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT, and OH MY GOSH , I WAS an ADDICT! How could smoking be "THAT GOOD" to cause this much pain ?

 

SELFISHNESS: I Smoked while babysitting my sons dog. It was nice to have the company while I was out taking him for a walk or sitting on the balcony petting him . : He died of cancer at 6 years old and broke my sons heart . I miss him too . I wish I hadn't smoked . He gave us unconditional love , I gave him second hand smoke .Tears and sorrow are still shed over that . I blew smoke in the faces of all those I loved, FOR AN ADDICTION !!! MY KIDS SHOULD HAVE COME FIRST / MY GRANDKIDS , MY SIBLINGS , and my FRIENDS. My kids PETS SHOULD HAVE COME FIRST , but I chose cigarettes as my friends ,and MY right over everything else. THAT brought me nothing but GRIEF, SORROW , and SHAME , ANGER and GUILT and the most EMOTIONAL PAIN ever . Smoking was not fun . It didn't make me happy . I began to see smoking for what it was , understanding and seeing the truth . I decided to face my denial, get real with my addiction and stop the insanity .

 

What has cigarettes done for us .The answer is simply nothing good . It is one of the worst forms of torture ever, and it was slowly killing us . The sad part: we willingly made the choice to do it everyday . We are of so much more worth, and value than that . “

 

THE ENDING : Quitting got easier once I decided to STOP THE INSANITY, and quit playing games with my quit . I was wasting valuable time .

 

What did I truly want ?

I wanted to quit .

I surrendered .

 

 

Cigarettes had that much control in my life , but not anymore .

I took my power back :)

I am glad all of you as well are claiming your power and your freedom from this addiction :) _ Sherri L.

  • Like 4

0 Comments


Recommended Comments

There are no comments to display.

Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

Our Message Board Guidelines

Get in touch

Follow us

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Guidelines

Please Sign In or Sign Up