I keep a journal and I was just browsing for day 1 thoughts and feelings as someone asked for ideas and found the poem/motivational writing I made myself to read by candlelight looking for additional strength, I sat and wrote it the first evening. I will never forget how I felt, a mixture of emotions both sad for what I thought I was giving up and how would I cope and utter exhileration that I might actually make it.

Manic,

Panic,

I can't breath!

Raging,

pacing,

Inside I seeth.

Smiling,

laughing,

Can't quite believe!

Nice People,

Steep hill,

I can achieve!!

This time, this place, is where I see,

I could always do this, I can be free.

I'm scared and happy, kill or cure,

I'll give it all to come out pure.

Live for today, not tomorrow

Only forwards, no failure sorrow.

I can, I will, I shout out loud

I own my body, I will be proud!

It was fun to find it and apparently I jumped from foot to foot literally shouting nope - I wonder why the neighbours look at me strangely nowadays haha. :)