On my 4 month landmark I felt like my life was falling apart. It was the day I realized my family is not on my side, and merely relations.

It was also the first day that smoking did not enter my mind - at all - all day. 4 month plus one day made up for it with craves lol, all ok now. It's a choice rather than a gut clenching moment nowadays.

I don't know what to do about those in my life who feel fear, or upset for who I am but I do know nothing can make me smoke again.

I have attended the doctors today and finally booked some tests because worrying signs continue with grim stuff like phlegm and shoulder pain and a cough that won't shift. My smoking may have covered up some issues like acid reflux or apparently worse (google assures me death is imminent lol) and I need to be sure I am ok. She was worried about telling me that sometimes smoking masks illnesses that show up after a quit. I'm ok with that knowledge and nothing will make me smoke again, not anything or anyone!!

I can't change who my blood relates too or what I've done but I can change my thinking ongoing. Also I can rest assured I have 100% record of being ok so far.

Bit nervy though.x