Pinched some of my previous entries from we know where just to remind me of where I was at certain points in my quit!
27 March 2014 - 06:27 PM
Started to post this in Quits recent post about topics, but whilst writing a flurry of replies appeared and was worried it would get swallowed up in the great abyss. I'm approaching the 3 month mark and have read posts about 3/3/3/ stages, I have climbed here fairly ok, a few bad times where I almost bought cigarettes but found the support here stopped me, but at the moment I feel.....I can't really put my finger on it but I feel weird, I know I will never smoke again but something feels strange, my craves have increased, my smoking dreams have returned, I even doubted my strength in this quit today!! I have put weight on, my eating is healthier, I exercise more, I feel and look so much better, everyone is commenting on it, but I just cant shake this feeling, it started a few days ago but is increasing HELP please ....I've got to go get dinner sorted so if I don't reply to anyone Im not ignoring you, (see im doubting myself again in something else!)
19th March 2014
Death the one taboo subject.....the one subject most people are scared to talk about, it frightens me, scares me to death! I don't like thinking about it, its the unknown.............BUT what really gets to me now is that for the last 30+ years I was more afraid of giving up smoking WHAT seriously I was so so afraid to lose "my friend" the cigarette, the one thing that would most certainly kill me, I couldn't imagine life without smoking, yet I knew the pain and suffering it would most certainly cause, I kept telling myself it wouldn't get to that with me, I was special, I wouldn't suffer, I wouldn't get cancer, breathing problems, heart problems the list could go on. Over the last few days I have sat and read shared stories, posts about relatives, friends, strangers who have lost their fight for life because of "their friend" the cigarette, and what struck me is although they all were scared to die, they still all were too scared to stop smoking, beggars belief. My Ex husband (54) has recently come out of hospital after having a heart attack, first thing he did when he left Light Up a Cigarette, FFS, do we really think so little of ourselves, are we not far more important, we can get a second chance at life by keeping the quit, but once you are dying there is no second chance, so come on get over the fear of quitting, smoking is not your friend....it will kill you.
Said in the best "Victor Meldrew" voice that I can muster, I lay last night staring at the ceiling, Im having quite a few insomniac nights at the moment and I thought back to when I first came here, reading all the posts, soaking up all the inspiration I could, posting maybe once or twice, dipping my toe in, deciding what the heck and jumping right in, the lovely warm welcome I received, feeling so so scared, scared of missing the cigarettes, scared I would give in within the first few days, weeks and being given such encouragement and advice and being told it would get better, and I didn't believe for one minute that it ever would, I thought that all you seasoned quitters, all you quitters with much more time and experiences behind you didn't know what you were talking about, but you know something all you guys were so right, SORRY I didnt believe it, but what you said was true, it does get better, it does begin to feel better, it such a relief to know this now, so everyone who is posting SOS's at the minute who are unsure, PLEASE please do not give up IT will get better, and Im now looking forward to the next stage of my journey and am reading more and more . So once again THANKS
26 February 2014 - 10:08 AM
As I sit here this morning ive just realised how often I used to run about in the morning just so I could get a cigarette at 8.30 and at the bus stop, now I spend more time with my son before he goes to school quality time, all the dishes are done, ive had an extra cup of tea and sat and relaxed, then I got to thinking of all the wasted time at my work I get 2 15 min breaks and they were spent, running up stairs to get my cigarettes then running to smoke it and running back in FFS was I insane, I used to go hungry so I could get a smoke, and I thought that was normal. I used to get annoyed at the family if they wanted a minute of my time if I craved my smoke, I always put that first, how selfish of me, its ridiculous how often I justified my priority to have a cigarette, days out with the family, waiting on mum to finish her smoke, while the lure of the funfair/zoo/softplay was in sight, i've got alot of making up to do and boy its going to be so much more fun simply because i'm smokefree. Quitting smoking is not only benefitting me its benefitting every member of my family and that makes me happy
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