I want to be all light and airy and supportive on this board. But I don't have that in me right now. Right now real life is not playing ball, or maybe I really am nuts and causing drama in my own life. I can't face anymore arguing, even if I say I don't want to talk, I can't seem to shut my mother up at the moment. She is sniping and shouting and carrying on like quite frankly a child...although that's insulting to kids, cause my kids behave better! Her non quit is doing my frikkin head in, I'd almost rather she just smoked and shut up. Mind you she wasn't normal when she did that either, but better than this. I just feel so tired with it all. And of course i lump the not smoking in there, or maybe it's cause of the not smoking. Whiny whiny, this isn't good. Today though, this is what I have. I will trudge again, I will trudge because I have people who tell me I will be ok, I can't see it today but I am assured this is normal (not my family lol, the feeling) and I will keep trudging.

I will read, I meditate like Bug, not helping today. I see Julie has family drama going on and is fighting at times too, I can empathise. Isee people relapsing and thinking others are judging, I always feel judged, i can empathise. I think I just feel bloody sorry for myself and that's shocking. Bandito is breaking through bless him, who knew I would let anyone call me a dosey tart and then nod and agree. So yes, I need to remember there are smiles. It's a phase.

Phases I can do. Divorce was a nasty phase, done that. Cervical cancer was a nasty phase done that. Carrying my kids and trying not to kick the bucket periodically was a phase and I did that twice. Just a phase. It was bad before at times, it got brighter again. This too will pass right. But ok, just for today, i will allow the mood. Feel what I need to feel so I can move on. Keep trudging, one step at a time, this foot, that foot..