But who's counting, right?

Woke up at 5:30 am, filled with energy, some ability to focus, and no coughing up my lungs. I absolutely hate it. Why would I want to be up this early? I,m bored and restless and my addiction is saying

Don't tell your mother you quit. You won't be so embarrassed when you smoke again.

It doesn't matter that you lost a pound yesterday. You know you're going to gain at least 30 pounds.

I don't want to live another 20 years.

So....

I am obviously insane because those 3 statements DO NOT COMPUTE

Let me say that I am not a health nut. I do not like vegetables and fruit. Breakfast for 40 years has been 12 cigarettes and 2 cups of strong coffee. And please leave me alone for an hour thank you

Yesterday I went to the store and blew some money because it was so much less than what I would have spent still smoking. I picked up a lot of vegetables that look good. Mushrooms red peppers some carrots.

And, ta duh! Hummus. Another illogical statement-healthy and tastes good. I was chewing solid yesterday. Never stopped until last evening. Then I walked. Just feel empty. I am hanging onto the fact that not all of you can be lying about it getting better. So, today i will not smoke.

I visit my mother on Saturday's. She prays. For me. All the time. I am not religious or a "believer" . Today May or may not suck. There. That's my opptomistic side trying to creep out! Thank you guys for listentening to my whining ....

Argh, Cleaning up the closet after 40 years of smoking paraphnelia. Emptying purses checking pockets etc. a full pack of cig slept at me. Thought my heart would burst . They are now floating in the goldfish pond. They could be dried out. . .

Just kidding.

Not really

Same thing I did at 14 when I ran out. Dug butts out of trash can dried the tobacco and rerolled a cig in the "c"s of my mothers bible corresondence. I have never told her I smoked her bible. . .