I am at no risk of smoking still, that's good but I am bored senseless of this inane internal drivel, could smoke/don't smoke, that goes through my head every day. I don't even know how I would explain it but I still have the same thoughts of times when I would smoke. For sure they are less frequent then they were. For definate they are not the gut wrenching craves of days gone by and haven't been for a long time. Just like a fly really that keeps buzzing around you and getting right on your last nerve. I would smoke here, yeah but you don't smoke anymore, yeah but I did and I could, but I don't want to ... and so on.

I am certain I do not want to smoke, absolutely sure that it holds nothing for me.... I tried to be every type of smoker, social, evenings only, weekends etc and in each dismal attempt it led me to here, to this place that says "I am very good at smoking, NOPE is my only option". I know this, I actually feel relief at this, it's honestly easier for me not to smoke anymore than to try and cut down, or wait with that buzzing of want being so very loud...this is honestly much easier.

So why doesn't it seem to shut up??

That voice..

I faced it down and it's getting right on my nerves now. I could understand if there was even a small chance that I wanted to or would smoke, but there's really not. If it was an an actual fly buzzing around I'd be going Mr Miyagi on his sorry butt right about now!!

Really bored, are we there yet!!