Nov-14-2013

Tomorrow is two weeks not smoking and then one week until my skeptical friend (who was unsupportive on the beginning) owes me lunch. Just lunch from the restaurant in work but still it's a victory over the know-it-all so I'll take it.

I never would have imagined id ever make it this far let alone want to quit. I am also shocked at how it wasn't like pulling teeth which is how I imagined. I thought it would be excruciating to ever not smoke and completely impossible. So I always convinced myself I liked it and would do it forever, which is what I always told everyone. I don't know what flipped my switch completely. I wanted to run better because I really enjoyed it. But I was also getting tired of the feeling of constantly having to clear my throat especially at work where it is quiet. It was like there was always something back there and it was happening more and more. Either way I decided I didn't want to do it anymore and gave myself the month of October to say bye bye. I didn't know what was going to happen or if I would immediately make a fool of myself. All I expected was constantly wanting one and awful feelings of dread.

Maybe I don't know what the difference between a craving for a cigarette compares to just having a split second thought about them because something triggers the thought of them in my mind. But I can't think of one time so far I actually wanted one. Just split second reminders of times I'd normally have one. And I'm grateful for that. I know I've posted about some hard days. But they were just difficult days I was trying to find a way to deal withy normal stresses none of those times I wanted one or was I giving myself the option. I didn't expect to get this far as easy as it has seemed. Not that far compared to others. But further than I used to have the courage to even contemplate about going.