Lust4Life

Quit Date: Sept 26 2016

Posted October 9, 2018 

Those of you that know me from QSMB know that I was a secret smoker.  Closet smoker.  Naïve smoker.  Pick a label any label.  I lived in constant fear.  Constant worry.

Fear of being outed.   So much worry. Which cracks me up now because smokers stink no matter what is done to mask it.   Pretty sure my smoking was the pink elephant in the room no one talked about.  Yay!

I had an ongoing checklist.   Do I have air freshener in my car,  face wipes, baby powder? Mints, gum, mouthwash?.  Do I have time to drive around the block again and keep smoking?   Never ending cycle of worry.

Before leaving for a night out- do I have enough cigs?  Better get another pack.  I never bought cigs by the carton.  Only real smokers bought cigarettes by the carton.  Right?  Hahahahaha!  Oh my.

When out in public; the worry of being spotted was ever present.   Go outside around the building, downwind, hide behind that tree.  Constant worry.   

When home – did I empty and hide the ashtrays?  Did I sweep away the ashes in case we have a drop in visitor?  Can my neighbor see or smell the smoke?   Are the bugs out yet?  In the South, we have some bugs.   Your home can be as clean as an OR and you’ll still have some bugs inside.  Outside…game on.  Gigantic mutant roaches that fly.  Mosquitoes that steal gallons of your blood from one bite.

Hurricane Michael is knocking on the shores of my home State.  I checked with family-everyone has everything.  He’ll barrel through some more of the SE.  We have prepared and have what we need. 

Gas tank is full in both cars.  We have batteries.  We have containers of water in the freezer.   Pantry is stocked.  All devices are perched on chargers until the power goes.  And, it will go.  Matches for candles and grills.

The cigarettes are at the store.  I don’t have any. 

I am not worried about that.

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