Jesus I have been in jail for so long and did not know. The  major thing in my life was the same, did I have enough cigs to get thru the day.  I need to stop on the way home to get a carton, not a pack but a carton.  When  can I sneak away and have a smoke.  Why is my habit worse than others that drink to much. eat to much.  I finally have realized I do all those things and it  is not acceptable. This just brings a whole lot of issues I need to deal with and I am not happry about it. Things are going to get alot harder but I will tackle it a step at a time.that is all I can do, admit the problem and try to do better.

2 hours ago, Kris said:

that is all I can do, admit the problem and try to do better.

And that is the biggest step of all! I’m proud of you Kris for the extraordinary quit you’ve got going!

Boy, I really outed myself there.  I think when we quit smoking, we look back, we take the time to really look at who we are.  It is not a pleasant thing to do.  I see many things I need to correct, to take care of myself.  I need to stop giving my life away to take care of others.  I have come to realize that I thought I had to take care of everyone, make sure they were happy, that they could go forward with their dreams and goals.  That whole time I was the invisable person that kept the whole thing going.  I was the cook. the maid, the nanny, the teacher,the nurse, the gardener, the party planner, the personal shopper, the driver and everything else.  I have come to the conclusion that none of it mattered, No one is thankful or grateful, no one knows how hard I worked year after year.  I did all of this and worked a full time job. No one ever thanked me. So now it is going to be all about me.  I will quit smoking, I will get my eating and drinking under control.  I will learn to say NO, I can't fix your problems, I have to fix my own.

K

@KrisIts a perfect time of the year to consider our co-dependency. Particularly as women, there is a tendency (and a necessity with small children) to manage others' lives, their choices, their responsibilities. I know that I am not only an addict but a co-dependent. In the rooms they call this a "double-winner." I too "helped" because I was asked, because I could, because there was no one else to do it and it needed to be done. But, upon reflection, it also served as a way for me to feel "better than" others. When they didn't appreciate me, I got to play victim/martyr. Truth is, we are all responsible for our own experience. In our choice to show up for the others, it must be with the firm understanding that they do not "owe" us anything. We do it because it makes us feel good and that is reward in and of itself. When our doing "good" for others causes us to neglect our well-being, its another addiction. 

Smoking is no different from any other drug addiction. As addicts, we tend to attract relationships that are dysfunctional because we are. Now that does not mean we are unloveable or failures. Its means we are human. So let's not beat ourselves up too much ok? And one thing at a time. 

Thanks for the candor. And, BTW, it did matter. You matter.