Nov-6-2013

Feeling a panic attack coming. I have been fine. I haven't wanted a cigarette. I just heard some news (long story) about a reason I didn't get a promotion only to find out that same reason didn't apply to someone else for something different. which they pride themselves on saying they treat everyone the same. Beside the point. I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. I am in a place where it would be amazingly simple to ask any of my tens of friends for a cigarette. two people have already offered. I fell like I am panicking. I want to scream. But most of all I am wondering where my "friend" of so many years (which I know is no real friend) that has been around when such awful frustrating things happen is. All I can think about is that "friend" I gave up days ago. Which would fix nothing. But nonetheless was always right there when something bad happens. this is the first time since the 1st I have been on the verge of complete breakdown. And I have to be here for 4 more hours. I know there will be many more episodes like this. I am just beside myself.