Jump to content

dancing

A blog by darcy in General

  • entries
    32
  • comments
    54
  • views
    3481

Entries in this blog

September 1, 2020 ~ 5 months, going on 6, FREE

Hello Fabulous QT Riders,   Just bopping by to say how awesome smoke free life is.   I rarely think about smoking.  Would not have imagined that was possible 5 months and 23 days ago.  AMAZED at how quickly life rolls on without what I once considered REQUIRED. I can barely recall what it was like to arrange my day around the cigarettes. I now sleep later and wake up with zero sense of urgency to feed the addiction.  WOOO HOOO! I have been increasing my activity levels .
darcy

darcy

5

8 April

Here I am.   Experiencing one of the less than  optimistic periods.      Hoping it is short lived.   Having a "channel 19" (read no news today) break.     Will likely NEED to attend to my tooth concern with professional care.  Grateful for the blood flow,  grateful for tools to provide oral care.  My dentist in the previous state had hoped I would get 5 yeas out of this tooth.  Coming up on 2.5, so hey, a good run for a former smoker.     Concerned as I had put off finding a denti
darcy

darcy

1

7 April

Another day on the train.  Woo Hoo!                       Sometimes I remember I don't smoke and am surprised.   Still getting the occasional expected and occasional unexpected craving.  Barely, evening NOPEing myself.   Just moving along to the next thought.   What a gift!!!   Been feeling untethered and a decided lack of purpose  ... I'm sure many are finding their way with  similar feelings.    So scared for so many people.  Desire for information and  understanding... don
darcy

darcy

0

6 June - 2months and 27 days FREE

Hello Fabulous Quit Train People,   It has been awhile since I was here on the boards.                The last 3 hours have been a wreck of smokey thoughts and intentions.                      Grateful I chose to come visit here before grabbing my keys and heading out.                Haven't gotten myself off the ledge yet and am certain I will get off it before relapsing. The intensity doesn't surprise me. I know who I am.  Sad that I am having the "same old , same old"  res
darcy

darcy

3

6 April

I am trying to write at least a bit each day.  Several folks have suggested that sharing my quit journey can be useful for others.   Not sure I have anything worth sharing.   I am/have not been a person of eternal optimism.  I do have passion and temerity when it comes to new things, learning and ways to heal.  I find most people are uncomfortable speaking of or listening to things that are intense, morose and/or painful, that can often be defined by the term trauma. I have f
darcy

darcy

1

5 April - 21 days of FREEDOM

Considering the circumstances of us all, I am embarrassed (yet grateful) that I have had a fun pleasant connected day with my marvelous man (and cats).  I noticed a few weak cravings at expected times. Didn't even need to spend any energy pushing the smokey thought away.  It just quietly bowed out as I turned my attention to the next thing. Knowing the struggles, true deep struggles, I have had during previous quits...I can not express how dumbfounded I am at the grace and ease I am experie
darcy

darcy

0

4 May

Thought about smoking, in a non-urgent barely considering it a smokey thought, for the first time today about 5 minutes ago.  I am amazed, grateful, proud? (ooo, don't say that, not pride....), still hesitant to have faith and LIVING smoke free none the less.   Had someone told me 2 months ago that I would have this experience in the next two moths  I would have negated their reality with no hesitation. Denied the possibility with every fiber of my self knowing.  Hardly ever have I  be
darcy

darcy

2

4 April

Feeling   deeply off (collective grief, I think).  No off switch,  minimal awareness, and even less discipline around eating right now.  Considering it a great day if I manage to shower, dress and care for my teeth.    Pretty sure some of it is due to not being in the cigarette~task loop anymore.  HURRAY!  and of course some of it is due to Stay at Home/Covid-19 safety practices.                         To spend just a moment here... I used to punctuate my day with smoking.  Could measure m
darcy

darcy

0

31 march 21 FREE days

It was a fine day filled with bird song.  ...and eagles circling above when walking with cat. Stress filled times, some cravings....and NOPE, I don't smoke.   Cravings seems to pull especially hard (which instantly translates to grumpy and whiny) when I get tired or scared.  So, when I am awake?  mirthful laugh   Really have been doing pretty well.  Grateful.    Have even felt a bit accomplished for a few brief moments.        
darcy

darcy

1

30 march

very tired. feeling thin and quick on the trigger. wish I could sleep during the day. do not want to utilize otc sleep stuff. do not feel like doing anything   woke alarmed in the middle of the night.            had spoken to my mom (celebrating her birthday) yesterday afternoon and she had a dry cough.  WORRIED.  she says she feels fine and it was a cough due to not speaking too often these days. managed not to call my mom in the middle of the night with
darcy

darcy

2

29 march

went to sleep last night feeling like I would get up today and go get cigarettes. woke with the same feeling.     still on the train.  almost late afternoon.   playing the mind games outsmarting myself.... you know you smoke...     yeah, but it's mom's birthday and she is so happy you quit.   you can smoke tomorrow....      nope     nope   nope      think again, get right with yourself, call an ally. post an sos    Do it!!!   sister's life derailing amidst the now normal
darcy

darcy

2

29 April ~ 1 month and 19 days of FREEDOM, and struggling

Hola Folks,     Posting because I said I would... and I am only as good as my word (judgement noted).   Warning...my head is not always screwed on straight enough for many folks.  Will go back and reread this blog after posting....maybe I have said something that will be of help to myself.    Having an unusually (why the qualifier?)  challenging  time the last week or so.                                                                                                
darcy

darcy

1

28 march

Scootin' down the track.  Grateful for the freedom and taking each day as a gift.   I really am concerned (yet, do not seem motivated to DO anything about it)  that my quit is only as good as my best day and  the choice to remain at home (vs. risking virus laden gas station).  I am not having deep overwhelming cravings, I am not roller-coastering on emotion,  for these gifts I am grateful.    The junkie thinking is here.       think again, get right with myself, call an ally, post
darcy

darcy

1
blog general

27 September - here i am

Hello Quit Train Riders,   Just a momentary pause to say I am still on the train.   Over 6 months, $2K dollars and 3k cigarettes away from slavery.  Sailing through the highs and lows with very few thoughts of smoking at all.  Had a momentary major desire for a smoke earlier today and just looked at it and wondered, what the heck is this?   Oral surgery went....safely.    Am deeply grateful for: acres and acres to roam in glorious autumn opportunities to
darcy

darcy in blog general

1

27 march ... riding the train

Spent most of yesterday reading aloud to my marvelous man.  We were tending to burn piles on the property.  Lovely spring day for it.  Saw a white squirrel. First time I have ever seen one.   I seem to be grumpy and dumpy... declaring aloud often , " I do not smoke."   Have stuck with exercise challenge (2 specific exercises) for 6 days.  Limiting news intake. Eating more than my share. Have had chronic pain in my neck for several months. It feels as if steel bands have
darcy

darcy

2

25 march - 14 days free

Wow! I really don't know how it's been 14 days already.   Body inventory: no pain in lungs when breathing taste and smell things  in  HD  - really enjoying the scent of woodlands in the rain ear and throat irritation - allergies, covid-19, healing -  may never know for certain tired - not sleeping too well lately, and hey, who is?   a bit more than a bit concerned that I am not doing the things that support a sturdy quit.... pre posting a current SOS for m
darcy

darcy

4

24 march

just staying connected. I have been grumpy and whiny....in my own head and to myself.    Yesterday was great.  Did some exercise. NOPEd when I craved.  Spoke with many people I care about. Today I am on an eating binge.  second breakfast anyone?  with a side of snacks.  Already prepping and planning dinner.  Didn't sleep well last night.  Up planning my outing outfit.  Not planning on going off property for the foreseeable future, but still getting some pleasure and laughs from pl
darcy

darcy

1

22 March

Faking my way through the NOPE pledge this morning. Not even 5:30 a.m. and I am just winding down from tilt mode.....CRAVING firmly attached to tilt mode.   staring at screen feeling heart race and listening to head race        looking for good excuse,   ha ha ha   ANY excuse is the good one when you choose to pick up. NOPE  NOPE   NOPE   going to eat..  then  ...          Most of the day later.... Glad things calmed down in my head.  Glad I hav
darcy

darcy

2

21 March - over a week of Freedom

Grateful for the choice to quit smoking and the ease (99% of the time) of the transition.  In the past (many attempts over many years) this has not been my experience. Only one wildly out of control craving and I am still here....free. I am having trouble sleeping and the last few days more cravings than I have had. Circumstances of the world likely influencing my sleep. Hadn't been off property in over a week until today.  Went out to just ride around and see what the pulse
darcy

darcy

1

20 April ... over 40 days FREE

Been a long week since I touched base here.   Still on the train.  Had a few times where I almost (purse in hand and headed for the car) went to buy cigarettes, ended up doing something different.          Turns out I seem to be an awful bitch...didn't realize how often I used a cigarette to stop myself from speaking.  lol, or cry.   Course, I am used to being of service to my community and working some, so perhaps (I hope) the bitchiness isn't entirely the real me under the addiction.
darcy

darcy

4

2 May - Celebrating Freedom

Feeling much lighter of heart and head the last few days.  Grateful to be able to ride out the emotional  downs without being a slave to nicotine addiction. Yipee!  Close call sometimes.   For the most part I don't think much about smoking at all.  When the urge hits to smoke it is either light and easy to bat away, or all consuming and demanding action.  Through whatever  grace I am free of nicotine (38 ish years a slave...no more) and trucking on.  Not saying there are not other  thi
darcy

darcy

4

2 April

Still delighted to be FREE.      Can't spend too much time pondering the choices of the past.  The  consequences and results of all my past choices will reveal or heal as I THRIVE on....with all the opportunities  life brings.   The teeth and gum pain is such that in normal times I would head to the dentist.  Being in far from normal times, I am choosing to self treat with many salt water rinses and using the water pik with hydrogen peroxide mix.  Cravings are few and vary in dura
darcy

darcy

1

19 May ~ >1000 cigarettes not smoked

Hello Fabulous Quit Train People,   Have been quite busy with navigating guests in my home who do not share beliefs around covid concerns.  Glad to have (sort of, not really...) found a way to be okay with sharing close space and being with the people I hold deeply dear.  More urgent smokey thoughts in the last few days than I have experienced in awhile.  Just acknowledging the thought, announcing "I don't smoke", and moving on to the next activity.  Still surprised when I spend a
darcy

darcy

2

19 march

Attempting something new...starting a journal type blog...or something ...lol   Hello Everyone, Made it through yesterday with my seat on the train intact.  Wasn't sure that was going to be the case for awhile. Was in an emotional upheaval and down on myself for not showing up for people how I would hope to if being a kind thoughtful person.  I have a tendency toward self recrimination that is probably diagnosable somehow.  I lean toward hurting myself harder, if I perceive (
darcy

darcy

1

Twitter

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

Our Message Board Guidelines

Get in touch

Follow us

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Guidelines

  I accept
Please Sign In or Sign Up