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Aine's Blog

A blog by Aine in General

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Entries in this blog

Sigh. . .

I've been using a vape pen for about 4 months now; 0 nicotine, but I was so damned restless in the evenings I thought I'd explode. Still no nicotine, but I've grown unhappy again with a dependency on the vaping. Not like my addiction to nicotine and cigarettes, but still. . .   So, think it's time to stop this dependency, too. Guess I'll pick up some straws today. Something to chew on, or something. I tire me out.   My attempt at "urban gardening" is helping some of the restlessness now, tho
Aine

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DAYS I JUST WANTED TO DIE from: Melissa

http://www.ffn.yuku.com/topic/13884 DAYS I JUST WANTED TO DIE from: Melissa   I was laying in bed this am thinking about life in general. I do that a lot now because there is no rush to get up and get a fix.   I thought about a lot of things and just before I got up it dawned on me that smoking was not one of my first thoughts as a matter of fact it only came to mind when I was thinking about all the really bad stuff I have been through in life.   There were days early in my quit that I
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Day 11

Well, the topic title says it all for me. It's day 11, and I'm not going to smoke today.   Rainy day here, and first cup of coffee after 8 hours of solid sleep. This is still such a rarity for me I can't get over it. I'd look at people who could go to bed at 10 pm and sleep all night with awe and amazement. Maybe my sleep patterns will revert back eventually, but I sure like this part of being a non smoker. No brain fog to wade through, no bruises on my shoulders from stumbling into those door
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Having a hard time today Day 10

10 days? I think, anyway. Off and on all day just want to smoke so bad. As I write this, it occurred to me that the two occasions I have tried to quit in the past I made it to 10 days. Hmm. Just really want to not do this anymore. Found myself walking closer to someone that was smoking today. Geez. Eyes catching the cigarette butts wondering if they were long enough. Just sad, sad, sad. lol.   Gonna go walk. With ice water.     Frank, on 07 Mar 2014 - 3:01 PM, said:   Not yet. But I reme
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Day 8

Finally found out why everyone says cut your caffeine intake in half. . .lol! So not so much sleep last night, but my own fault. At least one rooster was awake before me this morning. Driving to work was not too bad as far as triggers. I have had to do new stuff with the driving. I am not hauling out the thermos of coffee plus my cigs and lighter in preparation for the 30 minute drive to work. Turns out I really only wanted the coffee in order to help the cigarettes taste better. I don't know if
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Day 7

Again, with the chickens. . .7 straight hours of sleep, and the new litter box seems to be controlling the neurotic cat's need to scratch through to the next room. So, cat still lives. There seems to be the occasional discussion here on the Quit Smoking board over the attributes of cats vs. dogs. Observation this morning was that, while cats play with their poop, dogs eat cat poop. I don't know what that means, however. lol.   Was pretty anxious and restless for much of the day. Finally went h
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Day 6

04 March 2014 - 06:57 AM   Still here. My lifetime insomnia seems to be missing right now. Happy about that. Fell into bed at 10 pm last night and I am again waiting for the chickens to wake. Less twitchy this morning than yesterday and I am going back to work today after 3 long snow days at home. Looking forward to it cause this sitting around is tedious. Eating all these veggies and hummus stalled off any weight gain so far. This is one of my BIG fears with quitting. I am willing to accept s
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Day 5 March 3rd

Sleeping on the couch for the last few nights. Twitchy and restless. Our neurotic cat, Greta, or "Fatty" as the rest of the family affectionately calls her, began the hour long ritual of scratching in the litter box. Hour. A very long time.   So, I didn't throw her against the wall. I just visualized. So, staring out the dark window waiting for the roosters to start crowing. Literally. We have chickens and they are still asleep. Stupid cat.   My coffee tastes good. Better than usual. However
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Day 4

This is hard. It aint "easy peazy." And I confess to feelings of shame and guilt because I'm not peeing pink sparkly balloons. I'll just keep reading and keep not smoking.   Years ago I sold plasma in order to get money. You have to have a blood pressure with a top number over 100, so I would tell the nurse, "wait a minute." I'd think about my guaranteed student loans from college, and then I'd tell here, "take it now." Everytime, I was able to get it up to over 100. hehahhahe!   So, forced
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Day 3

My blood pressure is about 96/58 pre quit and now is a couple points. Lower at 94 or something yesterday and pulse rose in the last 3 years from the normal of 68 or so to about 96 average, knew that wasn't good. Blood sugar needs stabilized during the first couple of months from what I've read and I am doing what they told me to do here--drink juice regularly throuout the day. Only one dizzy spell really. Important to drink water too. Taking care of the physical needs right now is something I am
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Aine 66 hours

But who's counting, right?   Woke up at 5:30 am, filled with energy, some ability to focus, and no coughing up my lungs. I absolutely hate it. Why would I want to be up this early? I,m bored and restless and my addiction is saying   Don't tell your mother you quit. You won't be so embarrassed when you smoke again. It doesn't matter that you lost a pound yesterday. You know you're going to gain at least 30 pounds. I don't want to live another 20 years.   So....   I am obviously insane b
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28 February 2014 - 11:14 AM

Not getting any work done, so I will walk to the gym. This time, I will take wallet. Yes, a plan. There are no cigarettes from here to there, so. . .should be safe. Right. Don't yell at anyone. Sigh.
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27 February 2014 - 08:44 PM

Was in the restaurant tonight and smelled smoke. Smelled so good. Got into my car and smelled it. Smelled bad. All I can think about right now. Tried twenty years ago to quit, twice, made it both times ten days, but the obsessional thinking never went away and I thought it never would so I gave up. I'm reading, reading, when I can; everybody is saying that will go away. . . .just typing now. It's just minute by minute right now. . .
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SOS 27 February 2014

The YMCA is next door to where I work, so it's lunchtime; I'll walk over and see how much the monthly fee is. My head is telling me not to spend the money because I'm going to fail. But, that doesn't have to be true. I haven't died yet from not smoking. That's all I can think about--not a thing else is in my head. Except how my body is being pulled, like gravity, to a certain direction.
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27 February 2014

9 am. At work, managed to squeak through the morning coffee and cig ritual. Physical craving right now. Drinking juice and water. Almost wrecked this morning. Thinking about smoking and not paying attention! Pathetic.
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Feel Stupid. . .I think I just quit?

Posted by Aine on 26 February 2014 - 04:48 PM     So, I threw away the cigs, cleaned the ashtrays, put them away, put the ecigs in the top of the closet. I've smoked for forty years, and I'm a chain smoker, 3 -4 packs a day. I don't know if I smoke all of them, but I ALWAYS have one if possible.   I'm scared to death and I don't even know why. My son just got home from school. He's 12. I don't like feeling like this.
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