Jump to content

Blogs

dancing

18 July - 4 months free and wobbling

Well,... seat still warm on the train, yet I seem headed toward the exit sign at this station.   Lonely amidst a group that love me  ~ a familiar feeling.   A lifetime ...well 37 years, of poor or rudimentary skills at dealing with discord and BIG feelings have left me adrift over the last few days.  Not surprised...no one waves a magic wand , or puts out the smoke, and magically fills the 'space' with graceful replacements....or maybe they do and it is just me.  
darcy

darcy

2
1 year today.

82 days

19 days quit. I'm finding myself thinking about how to get rid of the negative feelings ie anger/uncomfortableness. I don't want to smoke but there is a part my psyche that misses it. Been using the lozenges and am wondering if that is making things worse but worried that if I stop, I'll go back to smoking. I don't miss smoking but do miss the comfort of normalcy.   My mouth hurts and this is making me angry.    But I also know that if I keep going, then one day, these feelin
madturtle

madturtle

31
dancing

17 June ~ still Free and grateful

Just stopped by to learn, connect and share a bit. Best of everything to Boo.  May your adventures bring many belly laughs and your love overflow and change the world!   Quick acknowledgment of the gratitude for my non smoking life..... LOVING every minute of not arranging life around smoking grandkids coming to stay for a month...won't even have to THINK about what I am role modeling by smoking  because I DON'T SMOKE!!!  much laughter aloud at that truism....YAY my
darcy

darcy

2
Nana20

Thoughts Of A Winner Part 2

So I have thought of a really cool non-smoker name for my blog. "Thoughts Of A Winner"!!!! OMG, I love it. Think about it, I want to stay on a positive track here. Now I am not saying I won't vent or say negative things. Because lets be real here I am quitting smoking, and this is a quit smoking blog. Although I am going to try to keep those dark and stormy thought to a minimum. We will see.   So, as I sit here writing this. I am eating a big bowl of roast, that somehow magically turne
Nana20

Nana20

3
Nana20

Early Quit Rambling

Day one- I make a video of myself giving myself a pep-talk/lecture. My Pre-SOS if you will and in the middle of it I am about to light one up and I am in the middle of telling myself that we are in control. We get to decide if you smoke or not. That our addiction is not in control of me. I stop mid sentence to go light that cigarette up and I look at it break it in half and throw it in the ash tray and dump water in on top for good measure. I then finish my video and didn't smoke for the rest of
Nana20

Nana20

0
dancing

6 June - 2months and 27 days FREE

Hello Fabulous Quit Train People,   It has been awhile since I was here on the boards.                The last 3 hours have been a wreck of smokey thoughts and intentions.                      Grateful I chose to come visit here before grabbing my keys and heading out.                Haven't gotten myself off the ledge yet and am certain I will get off it before relapsing. The intensity doesn't surprise me. I know who I am.  Sad that I am having the "same old , same old"  res
darcy

darcy

3
dancing

19 May ~ >1000 cigarettes not smoked

Hello Fabulous Quit Train People,   Have been quite busy with navigating guests in my home who do not share beliefs around covid concerns.  Glad to have (sort of, not really...) found a way to be okay with sharing close space and being with the people I hold deeply dear.  More urgent smokey thoughts in the last few days than I have experienced in awhile.  Just acknowledging the thought, announcing "I don't smoke", and moving on to the next activity.  Still surprised when I spend a
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

4 May

Thought about smoking, in a non-urgent barely considering it a smokey thought, for the first time today about 5 minutes ago.  I am amazed, grateful, proud? (ooo, don't say that, not pride....), still hesitant to have faith and LIVING smoke free none the less.   Had someone told me 2 months ago that I would have this experience in the next two moths  I would have negated their reality with no hesitation. Denied the possibility with every fiber of my self knowing.  Hardly ever have I  be
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

2 May - Celebrating Freedom

Feeling much lighter of heart and head the last few days.  Grateful to be able to ride out the emotional  downs without being a slave to nicotine addiction. Yipee!  Close call sometimes.   For the most part I don't think much about smoking at all.  When the urge hits to smoke it is either light and easy to bat away, or all consuming and demanding action.  Through whatever  grace I am free of nicotine (38 ish years a slave...no more) and trucking on.  Not saying there are not other  thi
darcy

darcy

4
dancing

29 April ~ 1 month and 19 days of FREEDOM, and struggling

Hola Folks,     Posting because I said I would... and I am only as good as my word (judgement noted).   Warning...my head is not always screwed on straight enough for many folks.  Will go back and reread this blog after posting....maybe I have said something that will be of help to myself.    Having an unusually (why the qualifier?)  challenging  time the last week or so.                                                                                                
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

20 April ... over 40 days FREE

Been a long week since I touched base here.   Still on the train.  Had a few times where I almost (purse in hand and headed for the car) went to buy cigarettes, ended up doing something different.          Turns out I seem to be an awful bitch...didn't realize how often I used a cigarette to stop myself from speaking.  lol, or cry.   Course, I am used to being of service to my community and working some, so perhaps (I hope) the bitchiness isn't entirely the real me under the addiction.
darcy

darcy

4
dancing

13 April

It has been over a month of FREEDOM.          I am grateful for the quit.       Been pondering commitment and lack of it.          Been pondering the ways I have hidden.                                   Been less than pondering the many ways I have healed and moved forward, co-created incredible things and journeyed with some incredible souls.   Be useful to spend some time pondering those things. Giant thank you to: Sazerac Jillar Forestgreen Jordan               
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

8 April

Here I am.   Experiencing one of the less than  optimistic periods.      Hoping it is short lived.   Having a "channel 19" (read no news today) break.     Will likely NEED to attend to my tooth concern with professional care.  Grateful for the blood flow,  grateful for tools to provide oral care.  My dentist in the previous state had hoped I would get 5 yeas out of this tooth.  Coming up on 2.5, so hey, a good run for a former smoker.     Concerned as I had put off finding a denti
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

7 April

Another day on the train.  Woo Hoo!                       Sometimes I remember I don't smoke and am surprised.   Still getting the occasional expected and occasional unexpected craving.  Barely, evening NOPEing myself.   Just moving along to the next thought.   What a gift!!!   Been feeling untethered and a decided lack of purpose  ... I'm sure many are finding their way with  similar feelings.    So scared for so many people.  Desire for information and  understanding... don
darcy

darcy

0
dancing

6 April

I am trying to write at least a bit each day.  Several folks have suggested that sharing my quit journey can be useful for others.   Not sure I have anything worth sharing.   I am/have not been a person of eternal optimism.  I do have passion and temerity when it comes to new things, learning and ways to heal.  I find most people are uncomfortable speaking of or listening to things that are intense, morose and/or painful, that can often be defined by the term trauma. I have f
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

5 April - 21 days of FREEDOM

Considering the circumstances of us all, I am embarrassed (yet grateful) that I have had a fun pleasant connected day with my marvelous man (and cats).  I noticed a few weak cravings at expected times. Didn't even need to spend any energy pushing the smokey thought away.  It just quietly bowed out as I turned my attention to the next thing. Knowing the struggles, true deep struggles, I have had during previous quits...I can not express how dumbfounded I am at the grace and ease I am experie
darcy

darcy

0
dancing

4 April

Feeling   deeply off (collective grief, I think).  No off switch,  minimal awareness, and even less discipline around eating right now.  Considering it a great day if I manage to shower, dress and care for my teeth.    Pretty sure some of it is due to not being in the cigarette~task loop anymore.  HURRAY!  and of course some of it is due to Stay at Home/Covid-19 safety practices.                         To spend just a moment here... I used to punctuate my day with smoking.  Could measure m
darcy

darcy

0
dancing

2 April

Still delighted to be FREE.      Can't spend too much time pondering the choices of the past.  The  consequences and results of all my past choices will reveal or heal as I THRIVE on....with all the opportunities  life brings.   The teeth and gum pain is such that in normal times I would head to the dentist.  Being in far from normal times, I am choosing to self treat with many salt water rinses and using the water pik with hydrogen peroxide mix.  Cravings are few and vary in dura
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

1 April

Feeling odd and fine at the same time.  Pretty sure lots of folks are in this space. Had some sleep with out OTC assistance the last few nights.  Yay!   As this recovery from 38 plus years of addiction sails along ... my gums and teeth are sensitive and sore in places.   Hurray for blood flow!!  Appreciate the opportunity to lavish some fabulous oral care on myself.  I love my waterpik.  Had allowed the illusion of no pain to be the belief "I have healthy gums and teeth"
darcy

darcy

3
dancing

31 march 21 FREE days

It was a fine day filled with bird song.  ...and eagles circling above when walking with cat. Stress filled times, some cravings....and NOPE, I don't smoke.   Cravings seems to pull especially hard (which instantly translates to grumpy and whiny) when I get tired or scared.  So, when I am awake?  mirthful laugh   Really have been doing pretty well.  Grateful.    Have even felt a bit accomplished for a few brief moments.        
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

30 march

very tired. feeling thin and quick on the trigger. wish I could sleep during the day. do not want to utilize otc sleep stuff. do not feel like doing anything   woke alarmed in the middle of the night.            had spoken to my mom (celebrating her birthday) yesterday afternoon and she had a dry cough.  WORRIED.  she says she feels fine and it was a cough due to not speaking too often these days. managed not to call my mom in the middle of the night with
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

29 march

went to sleep last night feeling like I would get up today and go get cigarettes. woke with the same feeling.     still on the train.  almost late afternoon.   playing the mind games outsmarting myself.... you know you smoke...     yeah, but it's mom's birthday and she is so happy you quit.   you can smoke tomorrow....      nope     nope   nope      think again, get right with yourself, call an ally. post an sos    Do it!!!   sister's life derailing amidst the now normal
darcy

darcy

2

Twitter

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

Our Message Board Guidelines

Get in touch

Follow us

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Guidelines

  I accept
Please Sign In or Sign Up